For The Soul · Music · Thoughts

I Will Leave The Light On For You

This evening I have an urge to write. Not with any specific topic or idea in mind; nothing has particularly inspired me to write. I just feel a strong urge to get words out on the keyboard. I’m happy to see you’re coming along for the random ride.

This full moon energy coming up on Saturday has been intense this week so far. As time passes, I have become more and more sensitive to energies of all kinds – people, the moon, places etc. At times, it feels like walking through molasses being out in public with all the different energies swirling around me, and what some times feels like through me. Sometimes – this is a great thing. Other times – overwhelming and exhausting. In the latter times, I just amp up my self-care when I get home. When I can’t be home, I focus on my breathing in the moment, remembering that I don’t own what I’m feeling; that I do own how I deal with it. Big, belly breaths are so helpful.

The irony of this full moon energy is that although I feel in my heart and soul, and physically better than ever, I’ve cried the last two evenings. A clearing is going on, as my heart feels heavy. Releasing old energies – full moons are good for that. I’ve wanted nothing more than to be home after work. Curled up with a blanket. Napping. Having hot baths, and hot cups of cocao. So I have done just. Back to yoga tomorrow to get this new energy flowing.


2017 has been an intense year for almost every person I have spoke with. Listen to your intuition that is guiding you what is best for you. It’s okay to say, “No” or “Yes” without needing to justify it to yourself or anyone else. Be easy. As we are coming to almost the last 2 months of the year – am I the only person who wants to know where da fuck 2017 went?! I feel like so much has happened, in my inner and outer world, it’s like I’ve gone through a time warp and a year of my life has flown by. Unbelievable! Time is indeed precious. Our time has value, so I’m extra mindful on where and whom I’m spending it with. I’d encourage you to do the same.

I’ve been listening to this song. The lyrics in this song, although talking about someone who is struggling with drugs, has reminded me of how 2017 has been for the majority of people this year – tough, heartbreaking, soul searching, full of deaths (literal and spiritual) and rebirths etc.

“If you look into the distance, there’s a house upon the hill
Guiding like a lighthouse, it’s a place where you’ll be
Safe to feel at grace and if you’ve lost your way
If you’ve lost your way (I will leave the light on)
And I know you don’t know oh, but I need you to be brave
Hiding from the truth ain’t gonna make this all okay
I’ll see your pain if you don’t feel our grace
And you’ve lost your way
I will leave the light on
I will leave the light on
‘Cause I will leave the light on”

As you listen to this song, think of me. I will leave the light on for you. For those of you reading this now, if you need someone to hold space for you, to talk to, to ask their perspective, to just listen – I will do my best to be that person for you. Come exactly as you are. This year has reminded me of the importance of connection. The real – beyond ‘how’s the weather?’ – connection. The understanding that we never have to do this alone, as we are an INTERdependant species. I am NOT an expert, and will never proclaim to know all the answers, or even give you “advice” unless you ask. I just want to serve as a reminder of that innate connection we all have, but have been conditioned to believe otherwise.

Together we are so much more; together life IS easier. For some of you, I’m a stranger on the Internet. For others, perhaps I’m one of your soul sisters. For everyone else, maybe I’m somewhere in between. That need not matter. I have had so much support over this year during my difficult times, now that I’m riding the ride, instead of barely keeping my head above the water, I want to give back – pay it forward – more than before with this open call from my heart to yours. My heart is more open now than ever. If you feel led to, connect with me in the comment section below, or on my Facebook Page.

If you don’t feel led to reach out to me, let this be a reminder that wherever you are, however you feel, there is someone who cares about you that would be happy to support you – just as you are. That whatever struggles you going through right now, you don’t need to do it alone. You can if you want to take the more difficult road. The road that I believe often times leads to suffering. You will be amazed at what vulnerability will do to your relationships – platonic and romantic. I’m speaking from this year’s experiences I’ve had with my tribe and my relationships have never been better – more authentic, more raw, more fulfilling with an ease and love has filled our connections, and interactions. I can tell you it feels so damn good! This is what I call Soul Food.

I promise you’ll be ok. I See You.

With big, big love,
S.

Side note: Blog has hit 10,000 hits! Thank you so much for all of your support! ❤

For The Soul · Music

The Cure – Lady Gaga Soul Food

I cannot get enough of this song. I don’t believe we can “fix” anyone, so I dedicated this song to myself from me. I put on my headphones on max volume, headed to the bathroom (big mirror and good acoustics) ;), danced and sang my heart out – on repeat. It’s another song that brought happy tears to my eyes.

“So baby tell me yes
And I will give you everything
So baby tell me yes
And I will be all yours tonight
So baby tell me yes
And I will give you everything
I will be right by your side

If I can’t find the cure, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
No matter what you know, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
And if you say you’re okay
I’m gonna heal you anyway
Promise I’ll always be there
Promise I’ll be the cure (be the cure)”

Mmm hmm. ❤

Soul soothing. Vibe raising. Dance partying goodness.

Big love,
S. xo

For The Soul

A Different Kind of Shower Dance Party: Weekend Challenge Update

It’s only Sunday and the weekend is not over yet, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you. This weekend I challenged you – and me – to seek out the things that make you feel, and to channel that inner negative ego mind energy into positive intention and energy.

It’s been a wonderful weekend. I got off from work early on Friday. I treated myself to a manicure, a nutrient packed smoothie, some delicious bath bombs, and face mask. I had a spa night when I got home – hot bath, relaxing music and face mask. I was in bed by 9:30 p.m. I don’t remember the last time I was in bed that early. I was SO tired! Our bodies know what we need and it was apparently 12 hours of sleep.

I will list some of the other things that made me feel good this weekend and I hope to hear from you in the comments below. I made eye contact with a stranger and we exchanged smiles. I went to a baby shower and celebrated the coming birth of a new life – with delicious food, lots of hugs, sunshine, country atmosphere, and good people. I met with one of my souls sisters afterwards for a bite to eat on a patio by the water, drank an apple martini, got an ice cream cone at 9:30 p.m. and walked along the water. It’s Blues Fest here in town this weekend and the downtown area was buzzing with lots of people, good music and vibes. We had a sleepover – because you’re never too old for sleepovers!

Today, I am still chilling in my pjs and it’s after noon hour. I plan to relax for the rest of the day and really indulge in this lazy Sunday.

Yesterday morning, while showering, I had a moment that doesn’t come around all that often. But it’s made me hungry for more. I put on a Kesha playlist on my phone, and hopped into the shower. This song came on…

I had a dance party in the shower. Arms up in the air, singing, HUGE smile on my face, and felt a deep inner peace wash over me. In this moment, I was reminded of what bliss truly is. We’ve all had dance parties in the shower, but this was on a whole other level. I definitely learned to let go. I’m not sure of what exactly, but that doesn’t matter. I felt a weight lift off my whole being. It literally brought me to tears – authentically happy, peaceful in my soul tears.

I want more of that and that I will have more of. My intention is to seek out more of this feeling. More of the moments that trigger that feeling. Of all the things that happened this weekend, this one was by far the most important moment. I had a knowing that everything is ok, that it always has been even when it felt like it wasn’t. Powerful. Hard to put into words. Grateful none the less. So incredibly grateful for this life.

With all of this, I am sending you so much love. Yes, you. May you find a peace in your heart that is hard to put into words. This is my wish for you. Today. Tomorrow. Always.

❤ S.

For The Soul · Thoughts

East Coast Road Trip: Just What I Needed

As some of you know, I headed out to Eastern Canada for a road trip this week with one of my best friends. If you have never done this, I highly recommend doing it! We just got home last night to Ontario, after a long 16 hour car ride. We made stops in New Brunswick, PEI, and Nova Scotia. Canada is absolutely beautiful. I saw some of the most beautiful places: Singing Sands, Hopewell Rocks, Dickson Falls, Halifax Harbour, the open ocean, Peggy’s Cove, and so many other places along the way.

 

I met some really nice, welcoming people. The vibe I get from the East Coast, PEI in particular, is ease. Everyone I met was laid back, welcoming, helpful and friendly. I see why people love it out there because I fell in love with the East Coast.

I have come back with a heart and soul so full, it brings me to happy tears as I write this. This trip is exactly what I needed – to be free, to go with where I felt led to go, to not have an agenda and let go of my ego’s desire to always plans things, and to get out of my comfort zone. To laugh and laugh and laugh until I couldn’t breathe, every day.

There was one day where it was rainy and cold, and my vibe was low and really not feeling like myself for no particular reason at all. My mood tends to match the weather, and being curled up in bed is where I wanted to be. But I made the best of it – this day we grabbed $1 ponchos, went to Hopewell Rock and Dickson falls, and had so much fun. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Making the best of it, and not missing out on an opportunity when it presents itself. Mother Earth is truly an incredible place.

Another day, with trembling legs and my heart beating out of my chest, I jumped off a high wall – maybe 20 ft. high – into the ocean current below. I was terrified. I’m not a good swimmer. I don’t like heights. But I watched as all these children were so care free jumping over and over without hesitation, laughing and having so much fun. I felt I had to. “That’s living!” I remember saying to myself. We can learn so much from kids. I don’t want my fear of the unknown to get in the way of truly living. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to get out of my own way, and to prove to myself that I could do it. I scrapped my knees, and almost lost my bathing suit bottoms into the open ocean, haha, but woo! It felt damn good!

I could go on and on about what this trip has reminded me of or the adventures we went on, but I will leave you with this. As often as possible, forget your To-Do list. It will be there tomorrow. Go on adventures as often as you can. Go to places never seen before – in the outer world and in your inner world. Spread love wherever you go – I promise it will be reflected back to you. Do the things that scare you – that’s where life gets really interesting. Above all else, be easy and listen to what your soul tells you – the universe really does have your back.

With so much love,
S.

For The Soul · Thoughts

A Test I Didn’t Study For

Hi lovelies. Let’s talk.

I was speaking with a close friend of mine today and she made a remark that this month has been like a test she didn’t study for (thank you for the inspiration, G.). Several of my closest loved ones are going through some significant life changes. A common theme is the ending of their long-term relationships, and all the things that come along with that. Myself included. At the beginning of the year, I made the choice to leave my long-time boyfriend of 8 years.

This was one of my most challenging, heart wrenching, soul expanding decisions and transitions I have made in my almost 31 years around the sun. One to which I am still adjusting to. However, when we choose happiness over comfort/insert why reason why we stay, it is short-term pain, for a long-term gain(s) as cliche as it sounds.

Ending of relationships are incredibly difficult, especially when it’s just a matter of growing apart and no longer vibing on the same wave length. Deal breakers make it much easier to decide to move on. Yes, saying good-bye can feel tragic, but what is really tragic is when people settle. And I’m not just talking about in relationships. I’m talking about with any area of our lives. That isn’t a judgement, because I have done it. I empathize and it makes my heart sad for those that feel stuck. It’s a terrible feeling. But we have a choice. We always will. Our freewill can never be taken from us. We deserve more. We deserve to break free from the chains we lock ourselves into. We deserve the best of our hearts desires.

I’m also noticing another general theme of this year, which seems to have carried over from last year, is letting go of what no longer serves our highest good (this ties into the ending of significant relationships). I realize that this is probably an underlying, life-long theme for anyone on a spiritual/self-betterment journey because the nature of being self-aware. But. It’s definitely amped up! *wipes sweat from brow* I have been thrown what feels like a steady flow of opportunities to practice what I know, and to let go of all the shit that isn’t doing me any good any more. Many of those that I have talked to recently have said the same. Maybe you are as well?

I am thankful for these opportunities, because on the other side of the spectrum of emotions and clearing I have been doing, I know I am and have been making room for the really sweet, juicy, awesome stuff. I’ve had some really great things happen this year so far. But I’m also tired and it hasn’t been easy. I’m over trying to let on that everything is okay all of the time. I was guilty of this in my earlier days in my spiritual journey, in part because I was in a funk and wanted to feel good, so I made my initial commitment pure positive focus. I felt I needed that to get out of the darker place I was in and it helped. We can only do that for so long, until it becomes emotional bypassing a.k.a. not dealing with our stuff, which is not in our best interest. I also thought that if I admitted to my struggles (to either myself or others) that it made me a hyprocrite and that I wasn’t walking the talk of the (stereotypical) spiritual person we’re conditioned to believe that walks around farting rainbows, frolicking about, oozing nothing but positive vibes. Amen to letting that shit go! 🙂 I resisted the human part of me, the one that feels everything so deeply – positive and negative emotions – which ironically is one of the same as the spiritual part of me. There is no separation. What’s most important is what we do in the times that we’re not okay.

So lots and lots of self-care these days/months. I encourage you to keep yourself on the top of your priority list, and ask yourself often, ‘What would someone who loves themselves do?’ That may mean letting yourself have a good cry – you know the kind I’m talking about – the bring you to your knees kind of cry. Maybe a spa day, or sleeping in is exactly what you need. It could mean going to the gym or saying no to plans with friends and staying home for the night. It could mean having that conversation with a loved that’s been weighing heavy on your heart. It could also mean having one too many glasses of wine, and letting loose on the dance floor until 3 a.m. You know what is best for you (despite what we are conditioned to believe). Having clear boundaries, and not over-committing has really helped me keep my head above the water, and not just a bit but enough where I can see the horizon.

I’m more than ready for the global shift into this new wave of consciousness to sweep the planet! But in the mean time, while the 3D stuff continues to make it’s way out kicking and screaming, I need to remind myself often to be easy on myself, and on others too. To remember that everyone, myself included, is going through something. To know that when all the layers are pulled back, each of us comes from the same beautiful Energy Source – call it what you want – God, Universe, Source – it matters not.

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p.s. they are only mistakes if we refuse to find the lesson in the pain. 😉 It’s there. Some times we have to dig deep.

I dedicate tonight’s post to all of you going through a hard time right now. I want you to know that you are loved and that it’s okay if you don’t feel okay. Better days are ahead. I know this because you’ve survived the worst of the ones you didn’t think you would. You are not alone. Keep being your bad ass self, even if you don’t feel like your truest self. Find your tribe, love them hard, but love yourself even more (yes, this is possible and I recommend this book, Shadows Before Dawn by Teal Swan, for practical tools to help get you there). I recommend it as it is the only book I have come across and read so far that actually gives practical tools on how to get there. We know we need to love ourselves, but we need to know the HOW.

Deep bow in appreciation for your humanity. It’s not easy coming here doing this human thing; it takes courage. So keep that chin up, Souldier, I See You and you got this!

Big love to you.
S.

 

For The Soul · Health/Well Being

A Reminder In Times Like This

Today, this beautiful instrumental song has been on repeat. It feels emotional; a letting go of sorts of what no longer serves. It touches my soul so I wanted to share with you. Listen with me…

It doesn’t take much digging around to see that times are intense. There’s so much going on globally, it can be overwhelming. An uncertainty of where to look and what to focus on. I believe we are on the cusp of great change. I belief that this isn’t going to be an easy shift, but it is a necessary shift.

This song and current times have reminded me of the importance of self-care, more now than ever. We need to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves, emotionally, physically, and mentally, so that we not only can live the best life, but so that we can be ready for what is to come. We’re ready. We’re capable. We’re worthy. Worthy of so much more than what our current systems have to offer us. For this reason, I am so excited for what is on the other side of this, what often appears as, madness.

Letting go has been an on going theme in my life for some time now. I think this is something that we never really stop doing once we get a taste of what it’s like to let go of what no longer serves us. There’s a lightness that comes, a breathe of fresh air, and a freedom that can only be felt. It can be scary to let go of the known; there’s no doubt about that. Some times, it is painful. But on the other side of that, in my experience, it’s been more painful to hang onto the things that aren’t serving me than it has been to let them go.

Letting go is only one part of my self-care routine. Letting go creates a space for more things to come in. So that is where the fun begins, adding in those goodies. My self-care varies from day to day, but there are some things that are NEEDS on my list. These are things I know I need to have in my routine in order to stay centered and feeling good. My main priority above all else is yoga. I plan my evenings after work around my yoga schedule. So yes, that means dinner plans with friends, grocery shopping etc. come after. It can wait.

The better I feel, the better I have to give to those I love. I deserve the best version of me, as does those that have relationships with me. I have felt what it’s like to not have myself very high on my priority list; that didn’t feel good. And once I was reminded of how good it felt when I was taking care of me, I promised myself I’d make it my job to make sure that nothing stood in my way of my self-care.

A little something, just for you, every day will go a long way. That rhymed! 🙂 It’s time we, as a society, stop the glorification of busy. Slow down. Breathe. Prioritize. And remember that we are in control of our schedules. You are worthy of time just for you. Every.Single.Day. No excuses; just do it and you will be grateful you did.

paulo-coehlo-self-care
With Love,
S.

For The Soul · Health/Well Being · Thoughts

On Days Like Today

Sleeping in on my weekends off seems to be a thing of the past. My body has finally adjusted to the early mornings I get up for work. I’m laying here, on the couch, in the living room with the window wide open. The scent of the cedar mulch surrounding the patio infuses my nostrils, as the cool breeze comes in like a blanket over top of me. It’s rather delicious. The sound of the leaves moving about in the breeze is music to my ears.

Nature is divine.

It’s a gloomy Sunday, overcast with a light drizzle, and a pending thunder storm may be under way. The complete opposite of the beautiful, warm, sunny day yesterday. I absolutely love this time of year. Living in Canada, the changing of the seasons helps me appreciate my favorite season more. We appreciate things more when we don’t always have them or get to enjoy them.

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On days like today, where the sun is hiding behind the clouds, and everything is wet and grey, my mood tends to match. There were some things I wanted to take care of but in this moment, right here is where I want to be. Forget the to-do list for now. Maybe I’ll get around to it later on today or maybe I won’t. We need days of forgetting the to-do lists and doing the whatever-I-want lists.

All is and will be well either way.

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For those of you who are interested in how I’m progressing with my new health and wellness plan. It’s going great! I have lost 5 pounds as of about a week ago when I weighed myself. Interestingly enough, I look and feel different, but my measurements don’t show a change. I think what has happened is I’m gaining definition that I didn’t have before, and losing fat where I haven’t measured. For example, my arms aren’t any smaller by measurements, but I’ve gained muscle definition so they appear smaller. And my waist isn’t any smaller (which is where I measured in week 1) but I’ve definitely lost inches on the “dreaded pouch” below my belly button.

But regardless of what exactly has happened in the last month, I don’t care; I’m not getting caught up in all of those numbers. I am getting caught up on how I feel, physically and emotionally. I’ve gained back a confidence that I didn’t know I lost so much of. Lifting weights makes me feel bad-ass and I like seeing how I can lift more from week to week. Feeling strong is empowering! I love feeling in control of my health. I love not feeling deprived. I still have treats from time to time, I just don’t go overboard. I’m learning about what works for me and what doesn’t. I’m loving every minute of it!

This is what motivates me below in the picture. The only constant there will ever be in my life is me, so I believe I owe it to myself to take care of myself, on all levels. I know better so I do better; I really feel there is no other choice.

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Big love all,
S.

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Maybe not the bitch part, but hey! 😉 We can never have enough humour in our lives!
For The Soul · Thoughts

Happy Anniversary To Me! What?!

Today marks my 3 year anniversary with WordPress. And although this year I have been rather neglectful on posting regularly, I always come back to this place. There’s something to be said about writing – whether it’s on my keyboard or with a pen in hand – I really enjoy it.

As this year comes to an end, I naturally reflect on the last 12 months. I won’t bore you with all the nitty, gritty details. But there are some things I would like to share. First of all…time.needs.to.slow.down! I celebrated my 29th birthday this year and it seems like every year prior to this one goes by increasingly fast. This serves as a constant reminder to me to be in the now, get my head out of the clouds dreaming about the future and my heart focused on the past.

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This year has certainly been a crazy, interesting one! One filled with high highs and low lows. I had the honor of walking my best friend down the aisle – what a beautiful day that was! I’ve successfully and consistently committed to my well-being on all levels – mind, body and spirit – and established a consistent yoga practice, changed my eating habits, and challenged myself so I can be better than I was the day before. I’ve stepped way out of my comfort zone and it was so much fun  – lip sync battle anyone?! I’ve also had some amazing paranormal experiences.

I’ve also had to re-define my boundaries, learn to let go of significant relationships, habits, thoughts etc. that no longer serve me (and haven’t been for a long time), re-learn to love myself completely again and the importance of self-care. I’ve learned to let go of how things should be and made room to accept things, people and circumstances exactly as they are. I’ve re-membered it’s okay to feel whatever I am feeling and the importance of not abandoning myself emotionally when I feel unpleasant emotions. I’ve learned how precious life is and how it can literally change in an instant.

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That ‘someone’ was some times myself, other times it was someone else. It’s been a year of huge personal growth and I can honestly say that despite the tears, heartbreak, and confusion, there’s been a whole lot of love, happiness, laughter, connecting, courage, growth and proud moments. And damn, it feels really good! I have a choice, just like all of you, to find the silver lining among life’s lessons or I can let it break me and dampen my light. But I refuse to be a victim to my circumstances. I have created my life, the good, the bad and the in between and with this knowing, I owe it to myself to create the best life with what I have within me. It’s not always easy but we were never promised easy, we were promised free will. We can’t get to the goodness without tasting what’s on the other side.

With all of this being said, I wanted to share this with you because it’s important, especially for those of us on a spiritual path, to make room for and express the human You. I’ve been guilty of shooting rainbows and sunshine up my ass -metaphorically speaking, often ignoring the very things that will help me on my spiritual path, because it wasn’t “spiritual.” I won’t make myself fit into a box created by anyone, including myself. For me, it’s all about balance, not perfection. It’s about eating kale salad after yoga then sitting down and eating an entire tub of ice cream while I watch Netflix. It’s about cursing and getting pissed off but then reflecting on what that moment has taught me. It’s about drinking 8 glasses of water a day but then having the same amount of wine in one evening. It’s about crying my eyes out then laughing until I cry about a completely “inappropriate” joke. It’s about maintaining privacy and then completely oversharing about almost everything. My hope is for you to find that imperfectly, perfect balance. The one outside the box.

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“We got to give a little love, have a little hope…”

Big love,
S.