I cannot get enough of this song. I don’t believe we can “fix” anyone, so I dedicated this song to myself from me. I put on my headphones on max volume, headed to the bathroom (big mirror and good acoustics) ;), danced and sang my heart out – on repeat. It’s another song that brought happy tears to my eyes.
“So baby tell me yes
And I will give you everything
So baby tell me yes
And I will be all yours tonight
So baby tell me yes
And I will give you everything
I will be right by your side
If I can’t find the cure, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
No matter what you know, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
And if you say you’re okay
I’m gonna heal you anyway
Promise I’ll always be there
Promise I’ll be the cure (be the cure)”
It’s only Sunday and the weekend is not over yet, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you. This weekend I challenged you – and me – to seek out the things that make you feel, and to channel that inner negative ego mind energy into positive intention and energy.
It’s been a wonderful weekend. I got off from work early on Friday. I treated myself to a manicure, a nutrient packed smoothie, some delicious bath bombs, and face mask. I had a spa night when I got home – hot bath, relaxing music and face mask. I was in bed by 9:30 p.m. I don’t remember the last time I was in bed that early. I was SO tired! Our bodies know what we need and it was apparently 12 hours of sleep.
I will list some of the other things that made me feel good this weekend and I hope to hear from you in the comments below. I made eye contact with a stranger and we exchanged smiles. I went to a baby shower and celebrated the coming birth of a new life – with delicious food, lots of hugs, sunshine, country atmosphere, and good people. I met with one of my souls sisters afterwards for a bite to eat on a patio by the water, drank an apple martini, got an ice cream cone at 9:30 p.m. and walked along the water. It’s Blues Fest here in town this weekend and the downtown area was buzzing with lots of people, good music and vibes. We had a sleepover – because you’re never too old for sleepovers!
Today, I am still chilling in my pjs and it’s after noon hour. I plan to relax for the rest of the day and really indulge in this lazy Sunday.
Yesterday morning, while showering, I had a moment that doesn’t come around all that often. But it’s made me hungry for more. I put on a Kesha playlist on my phone, and hopped into the shower. This song came on…
I had a dance party in the shower. Arms up in the air, singing, HUGE smile on my face, and felt a deep inner peace wash over me. In this moment, I was reminded of what bliss truly is. We’ve all had dance parties in the shower, but this was on a whole other level. I definitely learned to let go. I’m not sure of what exactly, but that doesn’t matter. I felt a weight lift off my whole being. It literally brought me to tears – authentically happy, peaceful in my soul tears.
I want more of that and that I will have more of. My intention is to seek out more of this feeling. More of the moments that trigger that feeling. Of all the things that happened this weekend, this one was by far the most important moment. I had a knowing that everything is ok, that it always has been even when it felt like it wasn’t. Powerful. Hard to put into words. Grateful none the less. So incredibly grateful for this life.
With all of this, I am sending you so much love. Yes, you. May you find a peace in your heart that is hard to put into words. This is my wish for you. Today. Tomorrow. Always.
There’s a great deal of chaos and stress going on in the world, and in many people’s inner world. I say this time and time again, but the energies seem to be relentless as far as giving us opportunities to rise above, to learn lessons, to become refined versions of ourselves. I trust the process; however, it’s challenging. It sucks. I feel you. You are not alone. I promise you this. Being an empath, I can feel it too, even though I personally haven’t got caught in this round of crazy energy, as much as those around me.
I also know it’s easy to get caught in a negative spiral. So I challenge you this. Pick one day this weekend – or all weekend if you’re up for it – to be extra aware of that inner voice. You know the voice I’m talking about – the one that analyses, judges and critiques the behaviours etc. of ourselves and others. The one that doesn’t have anything good to say. Yes, that one. When that inner critic comes creeping in – shift your focus…
I challenge you to make a list – mental or on paper – of the things that make you feel good this weekend. I’m talking anything – smells, tastes, activities, peoples, experiences, thoughts etc. I’d like to take it a step further and challenge you to go out of your way to find and plan for these feel good things!
I want to hear all about it in the comments below!
It’s easy to get caught in our day to day routines, and schedules that we often forget to do or notice those feel good things. The purpose of this challenge isn’t to encourage you to “hide” from your troubles and stresses, the “reality” of the world affairs, etc. and bury your head in the sand. Not forever. Just For Today. Just for this moment in time – consciously change your perspective, give yourself a break from the negativity and all the shit that is dragging you down. You deserve it. And maybe today will turn into tomorrow, and those hard times you find yourself in may become a little less heavy on your heart and a little easier to get through. That is my wish for you. (Aside from having the best of everything!) 🙂
As some of you know, I headed out to Eastern Canada for a road trip this week with one of my best friends. If you have never done this, I highly recommend doing it! We just got home last night to Ontario, after a long 16 hour car ride. We made stops in New Brunswick, PEI, and Nova Scotia. Canada is absolutely beautiful. I saw some of the most beautiful places: Singing Sands, Hopewell Rocks, Dickson Falls, Halifax Harbour, the open ocean, Peggy’s Cove, and so many other places along the way.
I met some really nice, welcoming people. The vibe I get from the East Coast, PEI in particular, is ease. Everyone I met was laid back, welcoming, helpful and friendly. I see why people love it out there because I fell in love with the East Coast.
I have come back with a heart and soul so full, it brings me to happy tears as I write this. This trip is exactly what I needed – to be free, to go with where I felt led to go, to not have an agenda and let go of my ego’s desire to always plans things, and to get out of my comfort zone. To laugh and laugh and laugh until I couldn’t breathe, every day.
There was one day where it was rainy and cold, and my vibe was low and really not feeling like myself for no particular reason at all. My mood tends to match the weather, and being curled up in bed is where I wanted to be. But I made the best of it – this day we grabbed $1 ponchos, went to Hopewell Rock and Dickson falls, and had so much fun. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Making the best of it, and not missing out on an opportunity when it presents itself. Mother Earth is truly an incredible place.
Another day, with trembling legs and my heart beating out of my chest, I jumped off a high wall – maybe 20 ft. high – into the ocean current below. I was terrified. I’m not a good swimmer. I don’t like heights. But I watched as all these children were so care free jumping over and over without hesitation, laughing and having so much fun. I felt I had to. “That’s living!” I remember saying to myself. We can learn so much from kids. I don’t want my fear of the unknown to get in the way of truly living. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to get out of my own way, and to prove to myself that I could do it. I scrapped my knees, and almost lost my bathing suit bottoms into the open ocean, haha, but woo! It felt damn good!
I could go on and on about what this trip has reminded me of or the adventures we went on, but I will leave you with this. As often as possible, forget your To-Do list. It will be there tomorrow. Go on adventures as often as you can. Go to places never seen before – in the outer world and in your inner world. Spread love wherever you go – I promise it will be reflected back to you. Do the things that scare you – that’s where life gets really interesting. Above all else, be easy and listen to what your soul tells you – the universe really does have your back.
I was speaking with a close friend of mine today and she made a remark that this month has been like a test she didn’t study for (thank you for the inspiration, G.). Several of my closest loved ones are going through some significant life changes. A common theme is the ending of their long-term relationships, and all the things that come along with that. Myself included. At the beginning of the year, I made the choice to leave my long-time boyfriend of 8 years.
This was one of my most challenging, heart wrenching, soul expanding decisions and transitions I have made in my almost 31 years around the sun. One to which I am still adjusting to. However, when we choose happiness over comfort/insert why reason why we stay, it is short-term pain, for a long-term gain(s) as cliche as it sounds.
Ending of relationships are incredibly difficult, especially when it’s just a matter of growing apart and no longer vibing on the same wave length. Deal breakers make it much easier to decide to move on. Yes, saying good-bye can feel tragic, but what is really tragic is when people settle. And I’m not just talking about in relationships. I’m talking about with any area of our lives. That isn’t a judgement, because I have done it. I empathize and it makes my heart sad for those that feel stuck. It’s a terrible feeling. But we have a choice. We always will. Our freewill can never be taken from us. We deserve more. We deserve to break free from the chains we lock ourselves into. We deserve the best of our hearts desires.
I’m also noticing another general theme of this year, which seems to have carried over from last year, is letting go of what no longer serves our highest good (this ties into the ending of significant relationships). I realize that this is probably an underlying, life-long theme for anyone on a spiritual/self-betterment journey because the nature of being self-aware. But. It’s definitely amped up! *wipes sweat from brow* I have been thrown what feels like a steady flow of opportunities to practice what I know, and to let go of all the shit that isn’t doing me any good any more. Many of those that I have talked to recently have said the same. Maybe you are as well?
I am thankful for these opportunities, because on the other side of the spectrum of emotions and clearing I have been doing, I know I am and have been making room for the really sweet, juicy, awesome stuff. I’ve had some really great things happen this year so far. But I’m also tired and it hasn’t been easy. I’m over trying to let on that everything is okay all of the time. I was guilty of this in my earlier days in my spiritual journey, in part because I was in a funk and wanted to feel good, so I made my initial commitment pure positive focus. I felt I needed that to get out of the darker place I was in and it helped. We can only do that for so long, until it becomes emotional bypassing a.k.a. not dealing with our stuff, which is not in our best interest. I also thought that if I admitted to my struggles (to either myself or others) that it made me a hyprocrite and that I wasn’t walking the talk of the (stereotypical) spiritual person we’re conditioned to believe that walks around farting rainbows, frolicking about, oozing nothing but positive vibes. Amen to letting that shit go! 🙂 I resisted the human part of me, the one that feels everything so deeply – positive and negative emotions – which ironically is one of the same as the spiritual part of me. There is no separation. What’s most important is what we do in the times that we’re not okay.
So lots and lots of self-care these days/months. I encourage you to keep yourself on the top of your priority list, and ask yourself often, ‘What would someone who loves themselves do?’ That may mean letting yourself have a good cry – you know the kind I’m talking about – the bring you to your knees kind of cry. Maybe a spa day, or sleeping in is exactly what you need. It could mean going to the gym or saying no to plans with friends and staying home for the night. It could mean having that conversation with a loved that’s been weighing heavy on your heart. It could also mean having one too many glasses of wine, and letting loose on the dance floor until 3 a.m. You know what is best for you (despite what we are conditioned to believe). Having clear boundaries, and not over-committing has really helped me keep my head above the water, and not just a bit but enough where I can see the horizon.
I’m more than ready for the global shift into this new wave of consciousness to sweep the planet! But in the mean time, while the 3D stuff continues to make it’s way out kicking and screaming, I need to remind myself often to be easy on myself, and on others too. To remember that everyone, myself included, is going through something. To know that when all the layers are pulled back, each of us comes from the same beautiful Energy Source – call it what you want – God, Universe, Source – it matters not.
I dedicate tonight’s post to all of you going through a hard time right now. I want you to know that you are loved and that it’s okay if you don’t feel okay. Better days are ahead. I know this because you’ve survived the worst of the ones you didn’t think you would. You are not alone. Keep being your bad ass self, even if you don’t feel like your truest self. Find your tribe, love them hard, but love yourself even more (yes, this is possible and I recommend this book, Shadows Before Dawn by Teal Swan, for practical tools to help get you there). I recommend it as it is the only book I have come across and read so far that actually gives practical tools on how to get there. We know we need to love ourselves, but we need to know the HOW.
Deep bow in appreciation for your humanity. It’s not easy coming here doing this human thing; it takes courage. So keep that chin up, Souldier, I See You and you got this!
Now that I have your attention and hopefully made you laugh, I have good news to share. If you’ve been following my Facebook page, you may have read that I have been without a laptop since the beginning of the year, which made blogging anything of length difficult and far too time consuming. Good news is I now have a laptop with the fastest internet I’ve ever had and I will be posting on here again more often!! *happy dance*
I feel like there’s so much I want to share with all of you and I’m not sure on where I’m going to start. I’ll do what I always do and allow divine inspiration to guide me.
If there’s anything you want to me to discuss, please let me know in the comments below.
It’s way past my bedtime, but I had to share my excitement, so until next time, be easy.
Today, this beautiful instrumental song has been on repeat. It feels emotional; a letting go of sorts of what no longer serves. It touches my soul so I wanted to share with you. Listen with me…
It doesn’t take much digging around to see that times are intense. There’s so much going on globally, it can be overwhelming. An uncertainty of where to look and what to focus on. I believe we are on the cusp of great change. I belief that this isn’t going to be an easy shift, but it is a necessary shift.
This song and current times have reminded me of the importance of self-care, more now than ever. We need to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves, emotionally, physically, and mentally, so that we not only can live the best life, but so that we can be ready for what is to come. We’re ready. We’re capable. We’re worthy. Worthy of so much more than what our current systems have to offer us. For this reason, I am so excited for what is on the other side of this, what often appears as, madness.
Letting go has been an on going theme in my life for some time now. I think this is something that we never really stop doing once we get a taste of what it’s like to let go of what no longer serves us. There’s a lightness that comes, a breathe of fresh air, and a freedom that can only be felt. It can be scary to let go of the known; there’s no doubt about that. Some times, it is painful. But on the other side of that, in my experience, it’s been more painful to hang onto the things that aren’t serving me than it has been to let them go.
Letting go is only one part of my self-care routine. Letting go creates a space for more things to come in. So that is where the fun begins, adding in those goodies. My self-care varies from day to day, but there are some things that are NEEDS on my list. These are things I know I need to have in my routine in order to stay centered and feeling good. My main priority above all else is yoga. I plan my evenings after work around my yoga schedule. So yes, that means dinner plans with friends, grocery shopping etc. come after. It can wait.
The better I feel, the better I have to give to those I love. I deserve the best version of me, as does those that have relationships with me. I have felt what it’s like to not have myself very high on my priority list; that didn’t feel good. And once I was reminded of how good it felt when I was taking care of me, I promised myself I’d make it my job to make sure that nothing stood in my way of my self-care.
A little something, just for you, every day will go a long way. That rhymed! 🙂 It’s time we, as a society, stop the glorification of busy. Slow down. Breathe. Prioritize. And remember that we are in control of our schedules. You are worthy of time just for you. Every.Single.Day. No excuses; just do it and you will be grateful you did.
Here’s a little observation I’ve made, or should I say have been reminded of this week – if you ignore the taps on the shoulder by the Universe when it is trying to tell you something, those reminders will eventually become a ton of bricks falling onto you and we’ll be forced to pay attention to the message.
3 days ago, I was enjoying a beautiful, gentle yoga session under the pear tree at my dad’s in the country. It really doesn’t get much better than an outdoor yoga session – Am I right? We went about our day and played around on the inner tubes in the river, after having a photo shoot on the hay bails. It was so much fun. But here comes the ton of bricks. I’m not sure exactly what has triggered this, but I have been in an immense amount of low back pain since. I spent the rest of that day having a hard time walking and doing every day tasks, hunched over like I have some pregnancy swag going on.
I thought I was on the mend when I went to bed last night; I was feeling much better than when this first started. But I woke this morning at 4 a.m. because I tried to roll over and my back was in so much pain. I have never experience pain like this. It took every ounce of my energy to get out of bed to get some pain relieving cream. I broke down in tears and felt like I was partially paralysed. I sat for 5 1/2 hours to get a tattoo done and that was less painful than this. Back pain is no joke.
This has been a mentally tough for me as well and I am active 4 days out of the week and I really miss working out. But I understand that my body is asking for a rest. I understand that I have missed the signs somehow that the universe was trying to tell me to rest. So I am focusing on this – that it is time to rest. There’s still the old part of me that I am working on clearing, that thinks that my efforts of getting in shape will be reversed now that I am essentially tied to a chair or laying on my back until I heal. But the bigger part of me know that I will be in worse shape, if I do not listen to my body.
I am also in deep appreciation for that my body can do and does do on a daily basis.I feel so fortunate to have great health. Having an injured back affects so many things since our core line and spine is at the centre of our being where all of our motions stem from. For example, try wiping your butt without twisting your back and only moving your arm. Yep, I went there. We get creative when we have to. 🙂 I’m doing my best to find some humour in this so it does not dampen my spirits too much, as I would like to enjoy the last few days of vacation before going back to work in a few days.
Moral of my story (rant) and why I wanted to share this experience with all of you, as this has been a very obvious reminder about the importance of listening to the signs and symptoms our life presents to us, so we can avoid as much pain and suffering as possible. We’re never going to get rid of the adversities in our lives. This is where we grow and evolve into better versions of ourselves. But we can certainly make it a lot easier on ourselves along our journeys. When we ignore the subtleties, we will be presented with more and more obvious (and often more painful) experiences until we pay attention. This isn’t some form of punishment. This is the Law of Attraction at work and the universe is just responding to your vibration. I still have no idea what signs I missed, and that’s okay too. Going forward, I will be more diligent to hone my acute awareness skills so I don’t find myself here again.
I am going to amp up my self-care routine and get myself back in action, mentally and physically, when my body tells me it’s okay to.
Last night, I posted on my personal Facebook page my excitement and proud moment of how I’ve lost a total of 11 pounds and a handful of inches in the last 2 months. A dear friend asked me for some motivation and healthy eating tips, and what I do for physical exercise. I started to write a novel in the comments, but I’ve decided to write about it on here instead in case I can help any other folks as well. Thank you for the inspiration, Jenna!
I will caution though that this isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey and that I am by no means an expert. I’m simply a woman who got tired of my outside self not matching my inside self. I am a woman who got tired of living most of my life never fully loving my body. I am a woman who was tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and often feeling the need to hide behind my clothes. I got tired, had a pity party for myself, and then got angry and said “enough is enough!” after this experience. As painful as that experience was, I am so thankful for it. It’s given me motivation that I hadn’t felt for years.
Everyone of us is so uniquely different and what works for me isn’t necessarily going to work for anyone else. It’s about trial and error and discovering what works and the willingness to change things as needed. Our bodies will adapt and will require more or less of certain things and we need to be flexible.
My focus has been on creating a healthy lifestyle that consists of maintainable habits that I can carry with me the rest of my life. All other times, I focused on “needing to lose weight,” which stemmed from a “I’m not good enough” vibe. I was often left feeling deprived and that I was punishing myself for carrying extra weight. In my experience, the body doesn’t respond optimally if we we’re coming from that place. I’ve focused a lot on loving myself, and not just my external self, and I’ve noticed that I crave exercise and movement, and healthy foods. Our bodies know what it needs in terms of movement and food and I’ve learned to trust it. I learned that I deserve to feel and look my very best.
More specifically, I do 90 minute yoga classes 2 times a week, and lift weights another 2 times a week. Sometimes this works out to being 4 workouts in a row, other weeks, I have a rest day after 2 days of exercise. The latter usually makes me feel better. Prior to the last 2 months, I was doing strictly yoga 3 – 5 times a week for over a year and not getting the physical results I wanted so I added weight training (Body Pump Classes at Goodlife Fitness). Yoga will always be part of my life – because it’s so much more than exercise – it connects the mind, body and spirit. It’s literally part of who I am.
Most important part in terms of exercise is that I LOVE it! I already said how much I love yoga but I love lifting weights. I feel badass, powerful, strong, and I love seeing how each week I can lift more and more. I love seeing the definition it’s starting to give certain areas of my body. Hear me roar!! 🙂
In terms of healthy eating, I’m a strict vegetarian and I follow an intermittent fasting cycle every day. My eating window is 12 p.m. to 8 p.m. The research I’ve done says that is really effective for weight loss and I believe that we really don’t need to be eating all day long. Digestion requires a serious amount of energy and I like the idea of giving my body a break, so I thought I’d give it a try and it’s been successful. I’m quite strict on this time frame. If I’m hungry before noon, I’ll eat and just keep my window to the 8 hours. A few times where I have eaten past my window and I didn’t get ample amount of time to digest before hitting the sack, I slept awful and woke up feeling like I had a hangover.
I use the Fitnesspal app on my phone to log my food, exercise, and progress, which has been very helpful! I’ve heard good things about other apps, so I’m not promoting this specific one, it’s just the only one I’ve used. It’s really helpful to keep me accountable. I’m not on any kind of diet – I just eat healthy foods, while having a treat periodically and not feeling guilty about it. Let’s be honest, some stuff that isn’t so good for us tastes really good and I’m not going to deprive myself of that experience. I do notice though that I crave those foods less and less, and food with a lot of salt and sugar have become really noticeable to me and I don’t enjoy them like I used to. I’ve read our taste buds become rewired when we change our eating habits and I’ve noticed that in myself as well.
I don’t have a specific meal plan – I eat what I like and when I’m hungry (within my window) and stick to my caloric intake according to my Fitnesspal app. I stick to water, and every now and again I’ll have fruit juice – which is only maybe a few times a year.
I don’t strive for perfection in any of this and neither should you. I’m repeating myself when I say this, but the most important piece of “advice” I can give to someone who doesn’t know where to start is find an activity you love and do it often, eat foods that you like and know are healthy, and be good to yourself. This shouldn’t be complicated. Don’t hold yourself to expectations that you know are unrealistic in the long-run. ENJOY the process and your body will respond accordingly. There’s a huge energetic/mental aspect to all of this. If you hate what you’re doing and eating, stop it right now. Your body will respond much more positively and quickly if you enjoy the process. I speak from personal experience and from my understanding of how energy and thoughts works.
As cliche as this sounds, life is about enjoying the journey so what is the point if you’re hating every minute of it? Yes, it’s a challenge to get started, but it feels so good once you do. I still get my ass kicked in the gym and at the yoga studio [and if I eat cheesecake like I did yesterday for my birthday (I felt sick afterwards)], but I still do it because I know I’m worth every bit of time I spend taking care of me. I also have much more to give my loved ones when I take care of me. Life happens outside of our comfort zones. After all, you’re only given one permanent home to live in so why not make it as strong, vibrant, healthy, beautiful and glowing as possible? You deserve nothing less than the best. I know this because you’re alive. It is your divinely given right.
I’d love to hear from you; please feel free to post in the comments below. xo
Sleeping in on my weekends off seems to be a thing of the past. My body has finally adjusted to the early mornings I get up for work. I’m laying here, on the couch, in the living room with the window wide open. The scent of the cedar mulch surrounding the patio infuses my nostrils, as the cool breeze comes in like a blanket over top of me. It’s rather delicious. The sound of the leaves moving about in the breeze is music to my ears.
Nature is divine.
It’s a gloomy Sunday, overcast with a light drizzle, and a pending thunder storm may be under way. The complete opposite of the beautiful, warm, sunny day yesterday. I absolutely love this time of year. Living in Canada, the changing of the seasons helps me appreciate my favorite season more. We appreciate things more when we don’t always have them or get to enjoy them.
On days like today, where the sun is hiding behind the clouds, and everything is wet and grey, my mood tends to match. There were some things I wanted to take care of but in this moment, right here is where I want to be. Forget the to-do list for now. Maybe I’ll get around to it later on today or maybe I won’t. We need days of forgetting the to-do lists and doing the whatever-I-want lists.
For those of you who are interested in how I’m progressing with my new health and wellness plan. It’s going great! I have lost 5 pounds as of about a week ago when I weighed myself. Interestingly enough, I look and feel different, but my measurements don’t show a change. I think what has happened is I’m gaining definition that I didn’t have before, and losing fat where I haven’t measured. For example, my arms aren’t any smaller by measurements, but I’ve gained muscle definition so they appear smaller. And my waist isn’t any smaller (which is where I measured in week 1) but I’ve definitely lost inches on the “dreaded pouch” below my belly button.
But regardless of what exactly has happened in the last month, I don’t care; I’m not getting caught up in all of those numbers. I am getting caught up on how I feel, physically and emotionally. I’ve gained back a confidence that I didn’t know I lost so much of. Lifting weights makes me feel bad-ass and I like seeing how I can lift more from week to week. Feeling strong is empowering! I love feeling in control of my health. I love not feeling deprived. I still have treats from time to time, I just don’t go overboard. I’m learning about what works for me and what doesn’t. I’m loving every minute of it!
This is what motivates me below in the picture. The only constant there will ever be in my life is me, so I believe I owe it to myself to take care of myself, on all levels. I know better so I do better; I really feel there is no other choice.
Spring time always gets me in the mood to cleanse – whether it is organizing around the house and donating/throwing out what is no longer being used, or cleansing my mind, body and spirit by re-evaluating what is working and what needs to go. I hibernate in the winter, as I am fuelled by the summer time warmth and sunshine, so when Spring rolls around I get so excited by Mother Nature coming to life again!
This Spring I have decided to give my fitness and wellness plan a much needed update and improvement. I’ve known for the last while I needed to change things up if I wanted to get to my goal sooner. I’ve been getting impatient. I’ve been craving weight-lifting. This was reinforced with an appointment I had at my doctor’s. The assistant asked me to step on the scale. So feeling good about my progress, I stepped on the scale for the first time in years. This is a whole other topic, but I don’t like scales for this reason:
I have always gauged my progress by the way my clothes feel and measurements. HOWEVER, and this is a big however, I was in shock and disbelief with the number on that scale. My out loud response was, “Oh my god, do shoes and clothes weight very much?!” The reality is I weight more now than ever, despite all of these great things: the fact that I have fully committed myself to consistently adopting a healthy lifestyle, never felt this good in my body, have lost weight and gained muscle, flexibility and strength, since I started last January. WTF! ran through my mind more times than I could count because I don’t think I look like that number on the scale. And I was admittedly on the brink of tears for a few hours after my appointment, but I was at work and needed to keep it together. I wanted to ball my eyes out. It felt like all my best efforts during these last 17 months were a waste. That I was a failure, and a hypocrite. And so far away from where I wanted to be. This really hung a job on me…
Did I stay in that dark place for long? Oh hell no! I got home that evening and had a really honest conversation with myself. I looked at the facts. Everything from my blood pressure, to my ECG and blood work results, to what I eat, how often I exercise, how I feel etc. etc told me I am very healthy. The reality is a very healthy 5’5″, (almost) 30 year old woman does not weigh 199 pounds, no matter what way you cut it. There’s a part of me screaming inside because I just shared that number with you…the whole of the internet.Oh.my.god. $#%&! *deep breath* The number doesn’t matter as much to me as being honest and fearless about where I am at. No more shame.
I was shown quite literally that I needed an overhaul. I needed change. I needed to lose weight. But I wasn’t going to nor will I let that number on the scale beat me down.Or define me. Or take away from all the other amazing accomplishments I’ve made this year. I am using it as inspiration. And it has put a fire under my ass like you wouldn’t believe! I refuse to continue to live my life where I feel like my insides never quite match my outside. Where I’m always this close to being the version of myself I want to be. F*ck that!
Here we are just over a week into this new chapter in this part of my life. So far, so good! Why? Because I refuse to let it be anything else. If you want me to bore you 🙂 with the details on what I’ve changed so far, let me know in the comments below and I’ll do another post on it. I’m proud of myself for using this situation as motivation to be the best version of myself. To love myself even more than I did the day before. This is a big deal for me. I have always struggled with body image issues and circumstances like this has often just made me feel awful about myself, killing my self esteem, bringing me down the road of self-judgement and criticism. Not this time! I’ve reminded myself I can still love my body even if I’m still working on it. I refuse to only love my body fully when I “get there.” I can’t fully love myself if I don’t love ALL parts of me. And I am going to remember that even though I’m not exactly where I want to be (yet), I still look pretty damn good!
Day 7 is here and coming to an end! Where do I start? I won’t bore you all with the nitty-gritty stuff. I will note here that I also decided to start watching the ‘Making A Murderer’ documentary series this week as well, after giving into all the hype on social media. Every night this week, except for yesterday and tonight was spent staying up after midnight because one cannot simply watch just one episode! Oh my! My alarm goes off at 6:30 every morning so 6 – 6 1/2 hours of sleep does not do my body good, especially not when juicing. Lesson #2. Check out my first lesson, if you missed it.
Day 3 was not a good day for me. I made a juice the night before for my breakfast and lunch juices the next day. I even taste tested before bottling it in my mason jar – yummy I say! Wrong! The next day, I had to force myself to drink my breakfast juice – it was so bad! The cucumber and celery was so overpowering it was making me feel nauseous. A perfect example of the importance of sticking to a recipe if you are a newbie. The apples were there for a reason, haha! The rest of the day I couldn’t stomach drinking it, so I opted for water and coconut water. Coconut water, again, is not my favorite, but I got it into me. By the end of the day, I felt light-headed, groggy, and very hungry! I came home, heated up some veggie broth, drank my dinner juice, and lots of water – I felt much better.
Day 4 is the day I decided that I need to eat dinner and have every evening since. If tomorrow I feel good and want to do juice-only then so be it. Prior to starting this juice-only cleanse, I don’t have a big appetite and am content with eating just lunch, dinner and a few snacks, so I’ve never resonated with “hungry pains” or the need to eat a huge meal. But I get it now! Oh boy! I have felt hungry the majority of the time since Day 1 and this is something that is really uncomfortable for me. I had a hard time just ‘getting over it’ and the constant brain fog, which made it hard to think clearly.
These are common symptoms of cleansing as the toxins leave your body. But it began to feel more like punishment than an enjoyable challenge. I feel much better – the brain fog is subsiding – but I know I did myself an injustice by not going to sleep early as recommended. And if you’re curious, these are the only symptoms I’ve had with the exception on Day 1 and 2 of frequent bowel movements. TMI? Well, it’s near impossible to talk about a cleanse and not discuss the ‘cleansing’ effects. That’s just how it is, folks! 🙂
I went into this with the intention of starting this cleanse as a juice-only cleanse and that I would gauge how I felt as time went on and making changes accordingly. I thought I could and was really aiming to do the 10 days, juice-only, no solid food. Well, things do always go as planned. I could have stuck it out without dinner but I don’t want to, to be completely honest. I’d be miserable, mentally and physically, the entire time. What’s the point then if I’m not enjoying the process? There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to this and many folks do exactly as I am doing now. I’m a big believer in listening to my body. If it doesn’t feel right then it needs to change. So I changed it. Easy peasy. No more making myself feel bad for not doing things exactly as I set out to do.
If I created a situation for myself, where my life was in jeopardy, like the two men in the documentary I talked about in my last post, then I’d tough it out. The long-term benefits would certainly outweigh the short-term discomfort. This is far from my situation though – I’m healthy and active – so I’m happy with my decision and proud of myself of sticking with this. I have fed my body so much goodness in this last week and that is what is most important to me.
Today’s breakfast and lunch juice – sweet potato, carrot, strawberry, and spinach! My own recipe actually came out tasting yummy, much to my surprise (and it’s rusty color)! 😉
Lesson #1: Plan.Plan.Plan.
Lesson #2: Get plenty of sleep.
Lesson #3: Go with the flow. Listen to your body.
Lesson #4: Veggie broth is great for between meals.
Lesson #5: Coconut water tastes best straight out of a fresh coconut, with some rum, on a beach down South somewhere. No exceptions.
Happy weekend, everyone! I’ll back back next week to summarize at the end of 10 days.