For The Soul

We forgive, not…

We forgive, not necessarily because others’ are deserving of forgiveness, but because we deserve to be free.

I wrote that quote 3 years ago. I absolutely love quotes; however, I seldom have any that come to me that are worth sharing. But this blog isn’t about tooting my own horn. *beep, beep* 🙂

Forgiveness is tough. It’s tough to obtain, tough to do and…tough to write about. But here goes nothing. It is something that takes time and it takes patience with yourself. It is something you do for yourself because holding onto resentment, hatred and all the other negative emotions associated with un-forgiveness, only hurts you. It’s really important to remember that the brain does not know the difference between real and imaginary experiences; your brain and your body reacts the same way, whether you are actually experiencing it or just replaying the same situation over and over in your mind. That is how powerful our thoughts are! Woah. There are scientific studies that prove this and that there is a strong correlation between stress/our negative emotions and illness. Stress causes dis-ease in our bodies; disease is what happens when our bodies are not at ease and out of balance.

It is not worth allowing anyone to steal your power away. Of course, it is going to happen from time to time because let’s be honest, we are human and feeling negative emotions is part of the human experience. But it is our choice how long we are going to hang on to these emotions, how long we are going to keep that painful memory alive, and what we are going to do going forward. There is always a choice.

It is important to remember that when you say, “I forgive you,” you are not saying that whatever deed that person did was okay, acceptable or whatever word that says, “I accept what you did.” Forgiveness doesn’t diminish the importance of the situation, it does however put the importance of you moving forward in your life ahead of the situation. Depending on said circumstance, this also doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to choose to have that person part of your life; you may choose to create boundaries or simply go your separate ways. It’s something that you choose to do regardless if that person is currently in your life or not. However, if you are working on forgiving yourself, you’re stuck with you and obviously don’t have this choice. 🙂 All the more reason to stop beating yourself up because the only person that will always be there will be YOU. To make this post easier to write and for you to understand what I’m trying to say, without having too many run on sentences, I’ll focus on forgiving another person. If you’ve noticed, I’m a fan of run-on sentences. Heh!

Regardless of whom is the object of your forgiving, forgiveness is about you and your well-being; it is something we do to give ourselves permission to let go. What you are doing is forgiving them as a person because you are choosing to see them beyond their “human-ness,” beyond the imperfections, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes, while reminding yourself that you do not own someone else’s behaviour so you can free yourself from all the negative emotions you’ve been carrying around with you. *Side note: Most of the time, someone else’s behaviour is a reflection of them and not of you.*

You free yourself by taking the lesson with you, detaching the associated emotions of the experience, by understanding that you deserve to be happy because you know your own worthiness. As a result, this creates more room in your life and your heart for the all positive, good feeling experiences that are worth your energy and attention.

To expand on what I mean by ‘making room for the good’- I am essentially talking about The Law of Attraction. If you continue to re-play the same stories over and over again, you are energetically sending out signals of that negative vibration and the universe will continue to deliver more of the same and before you know it, a viscous cycle will be created.

“Holding onto a grudge is letting someone live in your head rent-free.” I don’t know about you but my mind is not a hotel where everyone and their grandma can pop by, whenever they want, for however long they like. My mind’s more of a clubhouse – I choose my guests because I want them there.

Again, I have picked a topic which there is so much more I can expand on but with risking being too long winded or having to change the title of this blog, I am going to end it by saying this. Start with forgiving yourself, and remember if it wasn’t for our ‘mistakes,’ we could never learn lessons that are crucial to our growth. We simply wouldn’t evolve. Boring! Soften the word ‘mistake’ by reminding yourself that you wouldn’t know what you know now by doing what you did then. All we ever have is this exact moment in time – You cannot move forward if you are living in your past. You wouldn’t have the opportunity to be a better version of your former self. It starts at home; you have to be and possess the qualities of the type of people you want to attract into your life.

How to forgive when you hurt too much

As always,
Much Love.
S.

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