First and foremost, thank you so much to all of you who’ve been by recently and liked my posts and followed by blog! Your support is so appreciated! ❤
I wanted to post today to check in to see how you all are doing. These last few weeks have been…interesting to say the least. I’m not even certain how to put how I have been feeling into words.
These last few weeks have been really difficult for me. It’s only been in the last couple of days where I am starting to feel like myself once again. Not fully, but I’m getting there. Nothing bad has happened though and this is where the confusion comes in and why I’m struggling to put words down today.
I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, similar to my early days in my awakening. I have been tired, low energy, having random bouts of crying, feeling a bit lonely and needy – where all I want is cuddles and a blanket. Often not wanting to be around people and just wanting to hibernate at home. Missing people that are no longer in my life. Crazy dreams. An overall heaviness has been weighing over me. I’ve been feeling a hyper-awareness of, what feels like, every possible crappy feeling emotion. I am such a ‘why’ person. I like to know the answers to why I feel the way I feel. It makes integrating and processing so much easier when there’s a concrete reason. Herein lies the problem…
I am so blessed with an amazing tribe of friends and family. I love my home. I enjoy my job. I am healthy. I can meet my basic needs and more. Prior to a few weeks ago, I was thinking to myself that this is the best I’ve felt on all levels, in my life. Now what the fuck is happening?! Haha! I ‘should’ feel happier because nothing is ‘wrong.’ Because of this I have also been feeling guilty for feeling the way I do, because my logical mind is like, First World problems, Steph. But my heart and soul have been so achy that I can’t help feeling the way I feel. My usual tools aren’t working like they normally do.
So since I haven’t been able to find any concrete answers why, the only thing I can come up with is that I am picking up on the collective energy and also purging some things I have been hanging onto in my subconscious. This is really not a satisfying answer, but I am done trying to figure out the why. I am done trying to process. It’s exhausting. I have just decided to not put much attention to how I’m feeling in the moment and really tune into what I need, i.e. more sleep, alone time, writing etc.
My dad always reminds me that, this too shall pass, and this is what I have been hanging onto. I am beyond relieved to feel like I am on the rise now. I wanted to share all of this, what may read confusing, so that those who are feeling the same way know that you are not alone. Others in my circle have been feeling similarly as me, or going through more difficult challenges. This is a reminder to you and myself that it’s okay not to have all of the answers. It’s okay to feel how we feel. It’s okay to spend an extra few hours in bed. It’s all okay because I know in the depths of my soul that the sun will rise again and that we’re never given nor create anything we cannot handle.
Big love soul brothers and sisters. We’re in this together. xo