Today’s post is written by my first guest writer and very dear friend of mine, Gabby! Interestingly, we wrote both our pieces (see my last post) on the same evening on the same theme. Coincidence? No such thing! Grab a cup of tea, sit back and enjoy! You can find more of her wise words on her Instagram page @gabbydlr. She’s also an amazing cook – check out @theawakenedfoodie on Instagram and Facebook.
Photo cred: gabbydlr
************************************ Happiness is a process in the journey of life.
I have spent the last six to eight months crying every day, YES, crying. And here’s the thing, I’m telling you this because I preach a whole lot about self love and being happy and forgiveness and I was presented with all the situations in which I was tested for every one of those beliefs.
This year I went back and forth with past relationships and got my heart broken more times than I care to count, I found new relationships which also broke my heart (it was obvious to the universe I was only trying to escape myself), friendships full of lies and deceit ended in very painful ways, and it felt like every single time I picked myself up something came up to knock me back down.
I was desperately trying to hold on to people and situations and they were causing nothing other than pain, and I begged, more than once, on my knees to God to please help me make sense of what was happening with me, with my life, I felt completely alone. I was mad at the universe for a long time, I was protesting and quickly loosing faith, I felt I had been duped, I’d been promised redemption and I got nothing but my very own hell.
Then, a few weeks ago I was broken enough to really say enough! And I was honest to myself and to the people that needed to hear my honesty and then for the first time in a long time (perhaps ever) I was ready to put into practice what I preach. I choose me. I stopped talking and giving my time to people that did not want it or deserve it. I blocked the people that needed to be blocked. I put social media away and reduced the amount I used it, in a sense, I completely surrendered to God. There was this fear, all along, the fear of loosing the people I loved most and walking this path alone. But, I had to face the fear of loosing people completely, because I finally understood that holding on is more painful than letting go. Two weeks into this process and I wish I had done it sooner… sooner than years. This lesson has really taken years.
You know what happened when I let go? Amazing things started to walk into my life. In the last week I’ve had people come up to me to tell me how amazing my journey has been, to keep shining my light, that something I’ve said has resonated with them, and only a few days ago I was brought to tears when a teenage girl told me that I was an inspiration. New opportunities have arrived and excitement, new genuine excitement, for things to come has made an appearance.
This is what happens when you let go, when you let the universe show you what it can do for you, when you stop resisting. My sweet friend Steph said to me this week, “I’m so glad the universe is finally giving you some of that love you’ve been putting out there” and this is SO true, love always comes back to you one way or another, love is never wasted. Love is energy and energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed or transferred from one form to another. Love always comes back to you, don’t ever loose faith, choose yourself and your own well being, be brave and follow your heart. Happiness will find you again. ❤️💜Stay happy, healthy and hopeful.
Lovelies! Oh I have missed writing and sharing with you all!
2018 has been quite the year for me on an internal level and many of those I have been speaking to feel the same. I fooled myself into thinking that 2018 would be a more relaxed than last. Oh, I was wrong. As tumoultuous as it has been, I wouldn’t change it. I trust that I am always given exactly what I need – what I need to help assist me in becoming the best version of myself.
Trust the process has come to mind many times this year. A trust that whatever may or may not be happening in my life is exactly how it is all meant to play out. I have experienced anxiety and depression I have not felt before and have thankfully healed and moved on from that dark period in my life. I have also experienced a depth of love from my loved ones and from unexpected people that has brought me to tears. So yes, this year has been the year of the rollercoaster. Right now, as I sit here on my couch, listening to violinist Damien Escobar, I am brought to tears. I feel so incredibly blessed for the beautiful people and experiences in my life and so proud of myself for all the hard work I am doing.
I have been working really hard over the last 2 months, on a physical level, at the gym and with my personal trainer. I have lost 13 pounds and 8”. I can squat 290 lbs. and I’ve never felt better. This finally feels like the last piece of the puzzle that finally makes me feel at home within myself. Home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. For most of my life, I have not felt at home in my own body.
I remember being a very young girl, around 7 years old, having negative thoughts about my body and being bullied often for being “chubby.” I also got my period at 10 years old and started to develop breasts at 8. And there began my on again, off again, love hate relationship with my body. I’ve maintained an active lifestyle for most of my life with sports as a kid and then rollerblading and working out at the gym as I got into my pre-teens and teenage years. I have been a devoted yogi for the last few years. Active as I have been and as good as I have been taking care of myself with proper nutrition etc., it wasn’t enough to get my physical body to where I wanted it to be. I have just been maintaining where I have been at for years. The good ol’ comfort zone.
Earlier this year, I started a new relationship with a wonderful man. At the beginning of our relationship, I often would receive compliments from other women about how attractive he is and I would see the looks he would get (and still does) when we would be out in public together. I totally get it – he’s definitely a handsome man. However, this made me hyper aware of my already insecure self about my own body. I already knew my body wasn’t where I wanted it to be and this just brought it that much more to light. I felt inadequate. I felt like the less attractive person in the relationship. I felt embarrassed about my body…all the bullshit that many of us feed ourselves when we struggle with fully loving ourselves. Despite knowing I had a badass personality and pretty face, it wasn’t good enough. I didn’t feel good enough.
I also felt inauthentic to a certain degree because I always speak about the importance of loving ourselves, and while I love everything else about myself (internally and externally), I hadn’t fully embodied loving myself completely because of the extra weight I had been carrying around with me. Enough was enough. A fire was lit under me and the next week, I was meeting with my personal trainer and I haven’t looked back and never will again. When I set my mind to something, I set a trail ablaze. Hah!
Writing this has actually brought me to tears. I finally feel fully like me. Like the Steph who has been inside of me all along is fully embodied. Not because I look better on the outside but because of the internal shift that has happened within me as a result. I FEEL more energetic, lighter, happier, confident, and proud. This is so much more to me than looking better naked. This about taking control of my health and wellbeing – mind, body and soul – finally having my inside match my outside.
This is why this post is titled, “Letting It All Go.” This year is all about letting go of what no longer serves my mind, body and soul – fully and completely. Good-bye to the extra weight I’ve been carrying. Good-bye to toxic people and thought patterns. Good-bye to biting my tongue and not speaking my truth. Good-bye to the old version of me and allow me to introduce to you Steph 2.0. I’ve raised the bar for myself, of what I expect of myself and what I want my life to feel like. Anything/anyone that doesn’t meet me in this new place has no space in my life. My happiness and quality of life depends on it. I’ve worked too hard to make space for anything that doesn’t raise my vibe. I want to bring the best to myself, to my loved ones and to those whose paths I cross; I can’t do that if I am making space for what doesn’t feel good.
With all of this being said, an important lesson that I have been reminded of, is that life is all about balance. Some days, we kick ass at life and some days life kicks our ass. But the true measure of courage is the ability to get up and try again. Our purpose is not about getting life perfect. Even those of us who have every tool in our belts to get through the challenges of life still struggle. It’s the human experience; no one is immune to it. So proceed with caution when you start comparing yourself to others who seem to “have it all.” None of us do. But it doesn’t mean that we can’t LOVE this beautiful creation of life. It doesn’t mean we can’t love our life, while still striving for better. It doesn’t mean I can’t love myself until I reach my goal. Quite the opposite. Learn to love what you have NOW. More of what you want will then have space to come in.
The beauty and joy of living is the discovering and creation of more new and exciting things to experience. But we don’t know what we want without the experience of what we don’t want, so my work has been on not condemning those things that rock my boat. It allows me to feel even more gratitude for the good times and right now, in this moment, I am home.
I’m not even sure where to begin, but I have been listening to some old school Eminem, and have felt inspired to write some words for the first time in quite a while. From time to time, I need me some angry Eminem and a solo rap battle with myself to inspire me and pull me out of a funk. Some times we have to get pissed to find our motivation again. Who’s with me?
I feel like so much intense inner work has happened with me over the last few weeks particularity. We survived the lunar eclipse, retrogrades and full moon… and all the every day 3D stuff we usually do (without all the crazy energies). So many people I know are dealing with some intense, heart breaking, soul changing stuff. It seems as though the hangover from 2017 is still here, forcing many of us to clear the cobwebs from our unconscious to bring clarity to the next level. At least that is what is has meant for me.
I can say, without getting into the nitty gritty details, it’s been really rough for me lately. This month in particular I have been dealing with anxiety and depression that is unfamiliar to me in recent years. I have not been feeling like myself at all, until today. Today is the first day in weeks that I finally feel like my head is above water. I had a epiphany after talking with a dear friend of mine earlier last week and realized some things about myself that I need to work on. I say need to work on, not from a place of self-judgement but from a place of what is best from me. From the place of what would someone who loves themselves do? I thank Teal Swan for those powerful words.
I have realized the importance of being unfuckwithable. Or maintaining said state of unfuckwithability.
Allow me to clarify this. I think it is impossible to be completely unaffected by other people, circumstances etc. That would negate the very thing that makes us humans – the ability to feel. So for me, to be unfuckwithable, is about making the choice on how much we are going to allow things outside ourselves effect us. That is really all we have control over – what is within us. Our ability to decide how much we are going to allow negativity to effect us is where lies our choice and our freedoom.
This is where I was put to the test. I allowed what was going on with other people and circumstances to effect me so deeply, I was waking up every day with anxiety and depression, for far longer and consistently than I can recall in any recent times. What I remember when talking to my friend is that no one…nothing…is worth giving our power and peace of mind away to. I repeat nothing. People and experiences have to rise up to the occasion, meet me where I need to be met or there is no place is my life for it. I cannot and will not allow external forces beyond my control effect me and lower my vibe to the extent that I have allowed it to this month. Never again.
I have worked very hard over the last 12 years to get to a place within myself where I have been maintaining being unfuckwithable. I fell off the wagon so to speak. Big time. Why? Because I’m human. The point of spirituality is not to be positive all the time, the purpose is to be aware and mindful. It does not obsolve us of the human experience. It does not mean that we get it a.k.a life perfectly. It does not mean that there won’t be days where our whole world feels like it is crashing down. It does not take away our human experience and thank the Universe for that!! Our humanity is a beautiful thing. It’s also incredibly difficult at times. But on the other side of the what some times feels like insanity, can be a beautiful soul changing, heart opening, rising from the ashes, if we choose to do the work.
So moral of my story, create boundaries and get really good at implementing them and communicating them to the people in your life. Get really clear on what you want your life to feel like and get rid of anything that is pulling you in the other direction. Make no room in your life for anything or anyone that doesn’t raise your vibe. Don’t make other people responsible for your happiness – not only is it not their job, it is an impossible task that will only lead to disappointment. Raise your own vibe!
It is not the time to be beating around the bush about what our needs and wants are. Speak your truth and own it – stand in your worthiness – know you are deserving to feel good. Fuck yes to this! Fuck that to anything that causes you to feel anything less than the beautiful incarnated piece of the Universe that you are. The Law of Attraction will do it’s magic and you will gravitate to what is a match to your vibe and walk away from what is not a match to you. Your vibe is not determined by what you say, it is what you feel and what you are putting out through your actions. Remember this. This is why actions always speak louder than words.
So here’s to the next level of clarity I now have and an appreciation for what I found inside my box of darkness.
In honor of Pride weekend, and a member of the LGBT community, I felt led to share this song. In this world that is filled with so much darkness, love is what we should be celebrating – in all it’s forms. I read a quote tonight that said, “Love is too beautiful to be hidden in the closet.” Can I say this louder for the people in the back. Or type it in CAPITALS for those that cannot see.
Although I am in a heterosexual relationship, I am bisexual. My coming out was easy (which by the way I am so looking forward to ‘coming out’ no longer being a thing and people feeling safe enough to speak freely of whom they are attracted to/in a relationship/whatever). When I say easy, I mean in the sense that it was well received, for the most part, by those I told. I didn’t nor have I yet to experience the hatred that others in the community have. A few uneducated remarks from folks is the extent of my experience so far.
We have certainly come a long way in terms of our acceptance – not just with this topic – but in many, but man, we (as a society) have a long way to go. My heart aches for those who are in fear and as a result, aren’t living their authentic truth. My heart also aches for those who have been on the receiving end of anything else other than pure acceptance.
What we, as human beings, need more now than ever is more love. So who gives a damn who anyone choose to shack up with at night, or how people identify themselves. Too many people do, that’s who. If we took the energy we spent on judging people for the way they live their lives – which is no more a choice than being straight is may I add – focused that energy inwards on becoming a better human being, think of what that would look like. A whole bunch of happy people, living their truth, in love and free. But please continue to tell me why loving someone of the same gender as you is wrong. I realize there is more to the LGBT community than this, but for today’s message I’ve focused on this aspect.
And I’m taking a deep breath. 🙂
Spread love wherever you go. Be you and know that there are a great many people who love you, just as you are.
Side note: I’m sorry I have been absent on here. Don’t forgot about my Facebook Page – I post inspirational truth bombs on there regularily. I can’t figure out how to add the hyper link to the page – I’m still a bit of a tech dinosaur- but you will find a link for it at the bottom of this main page. I have missed writing. My computer has the black screen of I-don’t-want-to-turn-on. My boyfriend has generously loaned me his iPad in the mean time until I get it fixed. I’m now used to typing on a small screen and keyboard, so you should be hearing from me again soon when the next inspiring moment occurs.
First and foremost, thank you so much to all of you who’ve been by recently and liked my posts and followed by blog! Your support is so appreciated! ❤
I wanted to post today to check in to see how you all are doing. These last few weeks have been…interesting to say the least. I’m not even certain how to put how I have been feeling into words.
These last few weeks have been really difficult for me. It’s only been in the last couple of days where I am starting to feel like myself once again. Not fully, but I’m getting there. Nothing bad has happened though and this is where the confusion comes in and why I’m struggling to put words down today.
I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, similar to my early days in my awakening. I have been tired, low energy, having random bouts of crying, feeling a bit lonely and needy – where all I want is cuddles and a blanket. Often not wanting to be around people and just wanting to hibernate at home. Missing people that are no longer in my life. Crazy dreams. An overall heaviness has been weighing over me. I’ve been feeling a hyper-awareness of, what feels like, every possible crappy feeling emotion. I am such a ‘why’ person. I like to know the answers to why I feel the way I feel. It makes integrating and processing so much easier when there’s a concrete reason. Herein lies the problem…
I am so blessed with an amazing tribe of friends and family. I love my home. I enjoy my job. I am healthy. I can meet my basic needs and more. Prior to a few weeks ago, I was thinking to myself that this is the best I’ve felt on all levels, in my life. Now what the fuck is happening?! Haha! I ‘should’ feel happier because nothing is ‘wrong.’ Because of this I have also been feeling guilty for feeling the way I do, because my logical mind is like, First World problems, Steph. But my heart and soul have been so achy that I can’t help feeling the way I feel. My usual tools aren’t working like they normally do.
So since I haven’t been able to find any concrete answers why, the only thing I can come up with is that I am picking up on the collective energy and also purging some things I have been hanging onto in my subconscious. This is really not a satisfying answer, but I am done trying to figure out the why. I am done trying to process. It’s exhausting. I have just decided to not put much attention to how I’m feeling in the moment and really tune into what I need, i.e. more sleep, alone time, writing etc.
My dad always reminds me that, this too shall pass, and this is what I have been hanging onto. I am beyond relieved to feel like I am on the rise now. I wanted to share all of this, what may read confusing, so that those who are feeling the same way know that you are not alone. Others in my circle have been feeling similarly as me, or going through more difficult challenges. This is a reminder to you and myself that it’s okay not to have all of the answers. It’s okay to feel how we feel. It’s okay to spend an extra few hours in bed. It’s all okay because I know in the depths of my soul that the sun will rise again and that we’re never given nor create anything we cannot handle.
Big love soul brothers and sisters. We’re in this together. xo
This woman, Kate Maree O’Brien, inspires me on a daily. I’m not even sure how I found her on social media, but I’m so glad I did. She is the person that has inspired this post, and this routine I’ve made the commitment to start this weekend. Kate, if you ever read this – you’re amazing!
She posted on social media about a Queen’s weekend she does once per month, dedicated just for herself to do whatever the hell she wants. I love this! She’s a mother, business owner, wife, human being etc. etc. and if she can make the time for this, then I thought to myself that there’s no reason why I can’t. I’m quite good with my self-care routine; however, I want to kick things up a notch for a few reasons.
I have found myself sick twice this year already – laryngitis and a cold – which has not happened in many, many years. I take this as a sign to check in with myself. We are constantly evolving, so it’s important to check in from time to time with ourselves and ask what is and what isn’t working. The energies are tricky to navigate these days and on a gut level, I am feeling led to change things up a bit in my self-care regime.
Dedicating this weekend, once per month, also creates some excitement and gives me something to look forward to on a regular basis. I intend to plan something each month I haven’t done before, or something that is out of my normal routine. Time to shake up the ol’ routine. I am craving more experiences and this is the perfect way to go about it.
This weekend coming, I am attending a yoga class that is complete with meditation and crystal bowls, led by some of my favorite yogis/lightworkers. I am also going to a crystal bowl concert, getting a new piercing, and going to the movies to watch Black Panther again. I’m also going to try hot yoga for the first time on Sunday. And whatever else I feel like doing. Next month, I’ll be taking a bus trip to my favorite Scandinavian day spa.
We’re all Queens and Kings. We’re worthy of taking the time to do the things that feed our minds, bodies, and souls. Not only are we worthy, I believe it’s necessary. It’s time to stop feeling guilty for doing so and/or making excuses not to. It’s time to stop glorifying being busy. Make the time. The people in your life do not benefit from your self-sacrifice, and you continually putting everyone else’s needs and wants above your own. The people you love benefit from you taking care of you, and loving you in whatever way resonates most with you. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, nor cost a lot of money (if any) – it just has to make you feel good and be for you – no one else. Commit to it. Commit to yourself. That’s really what this is all about.
For those that feel led to join me in this, I’d love to hear from you on what you’re planning – or not planning (I’m thinking all day Netflix marathon). 🙂 Drop me a line below, or as always, you can reach out to me on my Facebook page here.
saying yes to all the people, places, and things I actually want to say no to.
walking on eggshells around people – these people will crack no matter what I do.
worrying about what my future will look like – all we have is NOW.
investing my time and energy into anything – especially relationships – that doesn’t make me feel good.
caring about what society tells me a woman in her 30’s life should look like.
hiding my heart because I don’t know any other way to be. The world needs more connection, love and vulnerability.
falling in love with people’s potential, but instead their reality.
playing small because I don’t want to “show off.” I stand tall and proud of who I am.
feeling guilty for spending time and money on my self-care. I can’t give love to others if I’m not loving myself.
expecting to receive back the love I give. Unconditional love is a beautiful gift – and infinite.
the negative mental chatter about my physical body. She’s amazing, capable, strong…and keeping me alive.
ignoring my intuition because I know what it feels like when I haven’t listened. I trust myself.
resisting my negative emotions. I surrender so I can heal.
dimming my light out of fear I won’t be understood for who I am. I understand Me. People can only see others from where they are. I have nothing to prove.
accepting less than what I deserve. Being born means I am worthy. Every single one of us. Settling is not part of my vocabulary.
buying into the story that life is always supposed to be complicated, difficult, and really hard work. Simplicity, ease, and straightforward feels so much better to me.
And I’m not sorry.
I’m happier because of it.
I’m liberated. I’m living. My life. On my terms.
It’s time to rise up.
I’m done playing the old paradigms.
I’m here to spread my wings. Be free. Be the change. And just Be.
“It’s not about what you go through in life, it’s about how you go through it.”
I’ve heard this a few times this week, as I have struggled with matters of the heart. I don’t know whose quote it is that has struck a cord with me. Nonetheless, I feel it is an important reminder. I needed to be reminded of this. Noted Universe. 🙂
Struggles are inevitable – as long as we’re here in our human bodies. What’s important is what we do when these times arise in our lives. My intention in these times is to be a little more loving to myself, a little more kind. Some times I can lose sight of this though. Some times I want to rush the process. Some times things are emotionally more difficult than my logical mind thinks they ‘should’ be. Some times I’m upset than I’m even upset about whichever particular thing. All of these are just judgements and critiques that don’t have a place in our healing journey. But again, we’re human. Awareness is key.
All of time though, I know I just need be with myself. Allow myself to be exactly what I need to be. There’s no specific, perfect way we’re suppose to go through things. No fool proof process. But what I do know is that even in the times I lose sight of my intention to be extra loving and kind to myself, we what resist persists. So I work hard to not stay there for long. Surrendering to the emotion and moment, and remembering that ‘x’ is happening to give me something to learn. That this is for my highest good. That I’m a creator of my reality. That although I may not control everything that happens in my life, the one thing I can control is my reaction, the meaning I apply to things, and that beating myself up along the way is not helpful.
Like the quote above, it’s HOW we go through these moments. We do have a choice. Even though I’ve been there where I feel like I don’t. I get you if you’ve ever felt like that. I can’t remember which spiritual guide I follow gave the analogy of talking to and being there for ourselves in the same way we would for a child. This is powerful. This really helps with the how part.
And the how isn’t necessarily keeping your shit together through the whole process. Quite the opposite at times. For me this week, it was putting on my favorite acoustic music and crying. Like full on “ugly cry.” It was also putting my phone away for a night, ordering my favorite Indian food, and falling asleep early on the couch and rolling into bed at 2 a.m. Other times, it’s been less “messy” looking, for lack of a better word. Like going to yoga. Or having a solo dance party. Or having an extra glass of wine with dinner.
I believe it’s important to have our intention to be to love ourselves a little more and be a little more kind, and do whatever it is that we feel led to do from that space. We can’t go wrong or in other words, put ourselves on a path to more pain when we’re coming from that place. When we lead from our hearts, I believe we will make decisions that are in our best interest. Keeping in mind that the things that are best for us, won’t always feel that way right away. But like I said in this blog post about what I learned and was reminded of last year, I will forever be a Student of Life. That the goal isn’t to get it perfect every time. The point that we should focus on is that we’re trying. That we’re doing our best with what we know at that time. Each and every one of us. And no one knows better than us what is best for us.
Side love note: Thank you for being here! I’m honored you, the reader, feel my little place on the Internet is worth checking out. Deep bow in appreciation.
This is the year I learned vulnerability doesn’t make me weak and holding it together all the time doesn’t make me strong.
This is the year I learned to say, “No” without explaining myself, apologizing, or feeling guilty.
This is the year I learned to speak fully from the heart, without fear of how my words will be received. That there are some things that just need to be said, for myself first and foremost.
This is the year I learned to have the courage to accept no less than the best in love.
This is the year I learned that the more of myself I share – unapologetically – with others, the closer my relationships become. That allowing myself to be seen – raw and unfiltered – gives people the courage to do the same.
This is the year I learned I have a lot of love to give, more than I realized, that at times overflows from my heart. Knowing that I didn’t get to this place without loving myself first and foremost. Always.
This is the year I learned to truly love, and appreciate, the profound magnificence of my physical human body. Lumps. Bumps. Perfect imperfections and all.
This is the year I learned it’s possible to have the best and the worst year, simultaneously.
This is the year I was reminded of the importance of being in the now moment. That all we ever have is this moment, right here, right now. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Not 5 minutes ago. Not 5 hours from now.
This is the year I learned the freedom and surrender in going with the flow. In the uncertainty of not knowing what’s going to happen next. In the letting go of outcomes. That the meaning of being present is following our joy.
This is the year I learned that people who are meant to be in your life will be. That some will come and go, and come again, or maybe not. And it’s ok, and all part of the process of life.
This is the year I learned that having a big heart means big heart break. That caring deeply means potential for deeper pain. But it also means bigger, deeper love. The kind that makes it all worth it. There’s a knowing that what I put out will be given back to me.
This is the year I learned that when challenges arise, and life gets tough, it’s more than ok – it’s necessary – to reach out to people. That people genuinely want to help in the best way they know how. And that’s it’s okay not to be okay all the time, and to admit it out loud.
This is the year I was reminded that life ebbs and flows, and that our job is to ride the wave. Not to swim against it. And that some times when we ride the wave, we need to let ourselves be engulfed by the waves – feel fully and deeply – so we can resurface with renewed perspective. Trusting ourselves that we will find a way to resurface with our head held high above the water.
This is the year I learned I will be a Student of Life, all the days of my life. That my job is to find the silver lining among the darkest paths and to spread light every opportunity I get. Like a butterfly emerging from it’s cocoon – time and time again – because I’ll never get it done. Thus…Life.
This evening I have an urge to write. Not with any specific topic or idea in mind; nothing has particularly inspired me to write. I just feel a strong urge to get words out on the keyboard. I’m happy to see you’re coming along for the random ride.
This full moon energy coming up on Saturday has been intense this week so far. As time passes, I have become more and more sensitive to energies of all kinds – people, the moon, places etc. At times, it feels like walking through molasses being out in public with all the different energies swirling around me, and what some times feels like through me. Sometimes – this is a great thing. Other times – overwhelming and exhausting. In the latter times, I just amp up my self-care when I get home. When I can’t be home, I focus on my breathing in the moment, remembering that I don’t own what I’m feeling; that I do own how I deal with it. Big, belly breaths are so helpful.
The irony of this full moon energy is that although I feel in my heart and soul, and physically better than ever, I’ve cried the last two evenings. A clearing is going on, as my heart feels heavy. Releasing old energies – full moons are good for that. I’ve wanted nothing more than to be home after work. Curled up with a blanket. Napping. Having hot baths, and hot cups of cocao. So I have done just. Back to yoga tomorrow to get this new energy flowing.
2017 has been an intense year for almost every person I have spoke with. Listen to your intuition that is guiding you what is best for you. It’s okay to say, “No” or “Yes” without needing to justify it to yourself or anyone else. Be easy. As we are coming to almost the last 2 months of the year – am I the only person who wants to know where da fuck 2017 went?! I feel like so much has happened, in my inner and outer world, it’s like I’ve gone through a time warp and a year of my life has flown by. Unbelievable! Time is indeed precious. Our time has value, so I’m extra mindful on where and whom I’m spending it with. I’d encourage you to do the same.
I’ve been listening to this song. The lyrics in this song, although talking about someone who is struggling with drugs, has reminded me of how 2017 has been for the majority of people this year – tough, heartbreaking, soul searching, full of deaths (literal and spiritual) and rebirths etc.
“If you look into the distance, there’s a house upon the hill
Guiding like a lighthouse, it’s a place where you’ll be
Safe to feel at grace and if you’ve lost your way
If you’ve lost your way (I will leave the light on)
And I know you don’t know oh, but I need you to be brave
Hiding from the truth ain’t gonna make this all okay
I’ll see your pain if you don’t feel our grace
And you’ve lost your way
I will leave the light on
I will leave the light on
‘Cause I will leave the light on”
As you listen to this song, think of me. I will leave the light on for you. For those of you reading this now, if you need someone to hold space for you, to talk to, to ask their perspective, to just listen – I will do my best to be that person for you. Come exactly as you are. This year has reminded me of the importance of connection. The real – beyond ‘how’s the weather?’ – connection. The understanding that we never have to do this alone, as we are an INTERdependant species. I am NOT an expert, and will never proclaim to know all the answers, or even give you “advice” unless you ask. I just want to serve as a reminder of that innate connection we all have, but have been conditioned to believe otherwise.
Together we are so much more; together life IS easier. For some of you, I’m a stranger on the Internet. For others, perhaps I’m one of your soul sisters. For everyone else, maybe I’m somewhere in between. That need not matter. I have had so much support over this year during my difficult times, now that I’m riding the ride, instead of barely keeping my head above the water, I want to give back – pay it forward – more than before with this open call from my heart to yours. My heart is more open now than ever. If you feel led to, connect with me in the comment section below, or on my Facebook Page.
If you don’t feel led to reach out to me, let this be a reminder that wherever you are, however you feel, there is someone who cares about you that would be happy to support you – just as you are. That whatever struggles you going through right now, you don’t need to do it alone. You can if you want to take the more difficult road. The road that I believe often times leads to suffering. You will be amazed at what vulnerability will do to your relationships – platonic and romantic. I’m speaking from this year’s experiences I’ve had with my tribe and my relationships have never been better – more authentic, more raw, more fulfilling with an ease and love has filled our connections, and interactions. I can tell you it feels so damn good! This is what I call Soul Food.
With big, big love,
Side note: Blog has hit 10,000 hits! Thank you so much for all of your support! ❤
I cannot get enough of this song. I don’t believe we can “fix” anyone, so I dedicated this song to myself from me. I put on my headphones on max volume, headed to the bathroom (big mirror and good acoustics) ;), danced and sang my heart out – on repeat. It’s another song that brought happy tears to my eyes.
“So baby tell me yes
And I will give you everything
So baby tell me yes
And I will be all yours tonight
So baby tell me yes
And I will give you everything
I will be right by your side
If I can’t find the cure, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
No matter what you know, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
And if you say you’re okay
I’m gonna heal you anyway
Promise I’ll always be there
Promise I’ll be the cure (be the cure)”
It’s only Sunday and the weekend is not over yet, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you. This weekend I challenged you – and me – to seek out the things that make you feel, and to channel that inner negative ego mind energy into positive intention and energy.
It’s been a wonderful weekend. I got off from work early on Friday. I treated myself to a manicure, a nutrient packed smoothie, some delicious bath bombs, and face mask. I had a spa night when I got home – hot bath, relaxing music and face mask. I was in bed by 9:30 p.m. I don’t remember the last time I was in bed that early. I was SO tired! Our bodies know what we need and it was apparently 12 hours of sleep.
I will list some of the other things that made me feel good this weekend and I hope to hear from you in the comments below. I made eye contact with a stranger and we exchanged smiles. I went to a baby shower and celebrated the coming birth of a new life – with delicious food, lots of hugs, sunshine, country atmosphere, and good people. I met with one of my souls sisters afterwards for a bite to eat on a patio by the water, drank an apple martini, got an ice cream cone at 9:30 p.m. and walked along the water. It’s Blues Fest here in town this weekend and the downtown area was buzzing with lots of people, good music and vibes. We had a sleepover – because you’re never too old for sleepovers!
Today, I am still chilling in my pjs and it’s after noon hour. I plan to relax for the rest of the day and really indulge in this lazy Sunday.
Yesterday morning, while showering, I had a moment that doesn’t come around all that often. But it’s made me hungry for more. I put on a Kesha playlist on my phone, and hopped into the shower. This song came on…
I had a dance party in the shower. Arms up in the air, singing, HUGE smile on my face, and felt a deep inner peace wash over me. In this moment, I was reminded of what bliss truly is. We’ve all had dance parties in the shower, but this was on a whole other level. I definitely learned to let go. I’m not sure of what exactly, but that doesn’t matter. I felt a weight lift off my whole being. It literally brought me to tears – authentically happy, peaceful in my soul tears.
I want more of that and that I will have more of. My intention is to seek out more of this feeling. More of the moments that trigger that feeling. Of all the things that happened this weekend, this one was by far the most important moment. I had a knowing that everything is ok, that it always has been even when it felt like it wasn’t. Powerful. Hard to put into words. Grateful none the less. So incredibly grateful for this life.
With all of this, I am sending you so much love. Yes, you. May you find a peace in your heart that is hard to put into words. This is my wish for you. Today. Tomorrow. Always.