I’m not even sure where to begin, but I have been listening to some old school Eminem, and have felt inspired to write some words for the first time in quite a while. From time to time, I need me some angry Eminem and a solo rap battle with myself to inspire me and pull me out of a funk. Some times we have to get pissed to find our motivation again. Who’s with me?
I feel like so much intense inner work has happened with me over the last few weeks particularity. We survived the lunar eclipse, retrogrades and full moon… and all the every day 3D stuff we usually do (without all the crazy energies). So many people I know are dealing with some intense, heart breaking, soul changing stuff. It seems as though the hangover from 2017 is still here, forcing many of us to clear the cobwebs from our unconscious to bring clarity to the next level. At least that is what is has meant for me.
I can say, without getting into the nitty gritty details, it’s been really rough for me lately. This month in particular I have been dealing with anxiety and depression that is unfamiliar to me in recent years. I have not been feeling like myself at all, until today. Today is the first day in weeks that I finally feel like my head is above water. I had a epiphany after talking with a dear friend of mine earlier last week and realized some things about myself that I need to work on. I say need to work on, not from a place of self-judgement but from a place of what is best from me. From the place of what would someone who loves themselves do? I thank Teal Swan for those powerful words.
I have realized the importance of being unfuckwithable. Or maintaining said state of unfuckwithability.
Allow me to clarify this. I think it is impossible to be completely unaffected by other people, circumstances etc. That would negate the very thing that makes us humans – the ability to feel. So for me, to be unfuckwithable, is about making the choice on how much we are going to allow things outside ourselves effect us. That is really all we have control over – what is within us. Our ability to decide how much we are going to allow negativity to effect us is where lies our choice and our freedoom.
This is where I was put to the test. I allowed what was going on with other people and circumstances to effect me so deeply, I was waking up every day with anxiety and depression, for far longer and consistently than I can recall in any recent times. What I remember when talking to my friend is that no one…nothing…is worth giving our power and peace of mind away to. I repeat nothing. People and experiences have to rise up to the occasion, meet me where I need to be met or there is no place is my life for it. I cannot and will not allow external forces beyond my control effect me and lower my vibe to the extent that I have allowed it to this month. Never again.
I have worked very hard over the last 12 years to get to a place within myself where I have been maintaining being unfuckwithable. I fell off the wagon so to speak. Big time. Why? Because I’m human. The point of spirituality is not to be positive all the time, the purpose is to be aware and mindful. It does not obsolve us of the human experience. It does not mean that we get it a.k.a life perfectly. It does not mean that there won’t be days where our whole world feels like it is crashing down. It does not take away our human experience and thank the Universe for that!! Our humanity is a beautiful thing. It’s also incredibly difficult at times. But on the other side of the what some times feels like insanity, can be a beautiful soul changing, heart opening, rising from the ashes, if we choose to do the work.
So moral of my story, create boundaries and get really good at implementing them and communicating them to the people in your life. Get really clear on what you want your life to feel like and get rid of anything that is pulling you in the other direction. Make no room in your life for anything or anyone that doesn’t raise your vibe. Don’t make other people responsible for your happiness – not only is it not their job, it is an impossible task that will only lead to disappointment. Raise your own vibe!
It is not the time to be beating around the bush about what our needs and wants are. Speak your truth and own it – stand in your worthiness – know you are deserving to feel good. Fuck yes to this! Fuck that to anything that causes you to feel anything less than the beautiful incarnated piece of the Universe that you are. The Law of Attraction will do it’s magic and you will gravitate to what is a match to your vibe and walk away from what is not a match to you. Your vibe is not determined by what you say, it is what you feel and what you are putting out through your actions. Remember this. This is why actions always speak louder than words.
So here’s to the next level of clarity I now have and an appreciation for what I found inside my box of darkness.
I rose from the ashes covered in gold. – Unknown
With big love,