My light. My dark. Me. I didn’t know when I would feel called to write this post. I suppose it was this photo I took yesterday that I drew inspiration from.
It is such a dark time for humanity. But in my heart of hearts, I feel that we were on a collision course that was not going to end well if we didn’t wake up and start making some changes. Much of what is playing out in society is requiring us to re-evaluate how we want our lives to feel and what systems we need to create in order for that to happen.
I have come to the realization that the outside world can fall apart but our inside world doesn’t have to. That as much as we are interconnected, we have a profound control over our reality. Right here, right now. I have found myself having to go back to the basics – the power of this very moment and what can I do, within my power, to make it the best. Asking myself what is within my power to change and going in that direction. What a massive difference this has made in my personal life. I feel empowered. And the Universe has reflected back to me all of my hard work on doing the inner work.
These last 5 years have been a wild ride. For brevity sake, I am not going to go into all the personal details – maybe I will save them for a book one day. 😉 But I left an 8 year relationship, moved apartments, changed roles in my job twice, let go of family members and friends whom we were no longer in alignment, had health issues, kicked ass in the gym and lost 20 pounds, started smoking cigarettes again, lost my 6 year job because of Covid, got involved in an abusive relationship, battled depression/anxiety/insomnia/stress eczema/overactive bladder, couldn’t work for over a year because my mental health was shit – not to mention trying to find a job in this pandemic was brutal, got out of the relationship, did the inner work and recalibrated my nervous system, quit smoking/vaping and drinking, reconnected with Mother Earth, got an amazing job, found myself again and a conscious partner/soul mate.
Throughout all this, I’ve loved a lot. Laughed a lot. Felt a lot – every possible human emotion. Met new and like-minded people. Tried new things and learned new things. Forgave – myself and others. Forgot who I was, and then found her again. I regret nothing. It’s been really great and really awful. I hold no hatred in my heart for anyone or any experience. Because each moment brought me to this now moment. I thank those of whom, whose paths we no longer walk together and thank those who are still here by my side, loving me as I am. Even the bullshit, brought me to another level of understanding myself, that I would not have had otherwise.
I am authentically happy…in all areas of my life, consistently, for the first time in 35 years. Everything I have asked the Universe for, it has delivered. And I’m not talking about material stuff. I don’t give a shit about the stuff at the end of the day. But I am still working on manifesting my tiny home for the future. 😉 I’m talking about the people I’ve wanted to connect with, the conversations I love to have, and most importantly, the feelings I’ve longed to feel – consistently and deeply. I’ve not known, for most of my life, what I’ve wanted my life to look like. But it’s been so very clear how I’ve wanted it to feel – easy, peaceful, safe, loving, real and raw, supported, reciprocal. When I made space for what I wanted, these things came. And rather quickly in a synchronistic way.
My point is that the world can go to hell in a hand basket, but your personal life doesn’t have to. I’m still human, with human emotions – I am not absolved of the human experience. But I can say with certainty that once each of us starts cleaning out the cobwebs of our lives and deals with our dark, our light can shine. The life we want is just on the other side of the shadows.
I have so much love for humanity. I love you big. Let’s not forget our humanity, to be kind to ourselves and eachother, as we find our way out of the dark. I can promise you this – I didn’t find my way out of the dark alone. I got here because of the people who gently held my hand, as I navigated my way through finding Home again.
*Deep belly breath*
Feel that? Find as many ways, as often as you can in your day, to pause and breathe. Some times that’s all we have the capacity for, and that’s ok. We have to start somewhere. And some times that is from the bottom up.
Love and gratitude for being here,