Real Talk

My light. My dark. Me. I didn’t know when I would feel called to write this post. I suppose it was this photo I took yesterday that I drew inspiration from.

It is such a dark time for humanity. But in my heart of hearts, I feel that we were on a collision course that was not going to end well if we didn’t wake up and start making some changes. Much of what is playing out in society is requiring us to re-evaluate how we want our lives to feel and what systems we need to create in order for that to happen.

I have come to the realization that the outside world can fall apart but our inside world doesn’t have to. That as much as we are interconnected, we have a profound control over our reality. Right here, right now. I have found myself having to go back to the basics – the power of this very moment and what can I do, within my power, to make it the best. Asking myself what is within my power to change and going in that direction. What a massive difference this has made in my personal life. I feel empowered. And the Universe has reflected back to me all of my hard work on doing the inner work.

These last 5 years have been a wild ride. For brevity sake, I am not going to go into all the personal details – maybe I will save them for a book one day. 😉 But I left an 8 year relationship, moved apartments, changed roles in my job twice, let go of family members and friends whom we were no longer in alignment, had health issues, kicked ass in the gym and lost 20 pounds, started smoking cigarettes again, lost my 6 year job because of Covid, got involved in an abusive relationship, battled depression/anxiety/insomnia/stress eczema/overactive bladder, couldn’t work for over a year because my mental health was shit – not to mention trying to find a job in this pandemic was brutal, got out of the relationship, did the inner work and recalibrated my nervous system, quit smoking/vaping and drinking, reconnected with Mother Earth, got an amazing job, found myself again and a conscious partner/soul mate.

Throughout all this, I’ve loved a lot. Laughed a lot. Felt a lot – every possible human emotion. Met new and like-minded people. Tried new things and learned new things. Forgave – myself and others. Forgot who I was, and then found her again. I regret nothing. It’s been really great and really awful. I hold no hatred in my heart for anyone or any experience. Because each moment brought me to this now moment. I thank those of whom, whose paths we no longer walk together and thank those who are still here by my side, loving me as I am. Even the bullshit, brought me to another level of understanding myself, that I would not have had otherwise.

I am authentically happy…in all areas of my life, consistently, for the first time in 35 years. Everything I have asked the Universe for, it has delivered. And I’m not talking about material stuff. I don’t give a shit about the stuff at the end of the day. But I am still working on manifesting my tiny home for the future. 😉 I’m talking about the people I’ve wanted to connect with, the conversations I love to have, and most importantly, the feelings I’ve longed to feel – consistently and deeply. I’ve not known, for most of my life, what I’ve wanted my life to look like. But it’s been so very clear how I’ve wanted it to feel – easy, peaceful, safe, loving, real and raw, supported, reciprocal. When I made space for what I wanted, these things came. And rather quickly in a synchronistic way.

My point is that the world can go to hell in a hand basket, but your personal life doesn’t have to. I’m still human, with human emotions – I am not absolved of the human experience. But I can say with certainty that once each of us starts cleaning out the cobwebs of our lives and deals with our dark, our light can shine. The life we want is just on the other side of the shadows.

I have so much love for humanity. I love you big. Let’s not forget our humanity, to be kind to ourselves and eachother, as we find our way out of the dark. I can promise you this – I didn’t find my way out of the dark alone. I got here because of the people who gently held my hand, as I navigated my way through finding Home again.

*Deep belly breath*

Feel that? Find as many ways, as often as you can in your day, to pause and breathe. Some times that’s all we have the capacity for, and that’s ok. We have to start somewhere. And some times that is from the bottom up.

Love and gratitude for being here,


Food For Thought Series

Food For Thought # 17

Hello lovelies,

It has been some time since I’ve shared a post in the FFT series. I hope you continue to enjoy these! If you’re new here, the FFT (Food For Thought) series is a collection of writings that my father has created. You may find previous posts in this series under the Food For Thought category section at the bottom of this page. 🙂

Big love, Steph

“These words are not intended for the mind alone but for the heart.

Dear humanity, a new dawn is here although it may not appear so at first glance. It is our time to shine. We have certainly earned it.
How ironic is it not that we have searched high and low for answers and all along we carried them with in our own being. In fact, the
universe is folded there. We have played the game of small like no other and yet against seemingly insurmountable odds here we are rising as the Phoenix from its own ashes. This unmistakable inner tug that many are feeling is our true self, our God self, Source, beckoning us into the light of truth, asking us to leave behind all that feels unwanted or no longer valid. We are well on the way to realizing who we really are. In other words, we are in the earlier stages of remembering our Divine magnificence. A most auspicious unfolding this is. We will at some point know how important each and everyone of us are. This is my evolving truth in this now moment.” – John Dunn

📷 cred:

“I am choosing to belong to a reality that is unconditional.”

Hello dear ones!

It has been some time since I’ve shared on my blog. I hope you are doing as good as you can in these crazy times. I came across this powerful message tonight and felt called to share it with you; it’s important.

It is an hour long, but it is worth the time. Phil shares his own personal story, and epiphanies he has come to since last year about living in your Truth, unconditional love and realities, compassion and less judgement, forgiveness, and more. I don’t want to give too much away for those that do choose to watch this, but wanted to share a few thoughts. He echoes a lot of how I have been feeling lately as the world seems more divisive than ever. There’s a heaviness to the air, especially lately, and I feel a sadness in my heart that doesn’t feel like mine. Humanity is really struggling; this isn’t new news and it’s palpable. My heart goes out to you, to all of us. Shit is fucked up, and there’s no other way I can sum it up.

I really resonated with his message of living our Truth, our highest Truth from a soul perspective – the place we can only get to when we are still. We get a choice every day to decide if we are going to be the most authentic version of ourselves or the one we think we need to be in order to get love, or to create our reality. Which is scary right? Because it may mean we are alone more. But we don’t create the best outcomes by performing/wearing masks and Phil does a wonderful job at explaining this. Let people love you for the real you. Anything else is EXHAUSTING. The ones who are no longer in alignment will fall by the wayside. We all know the quote about people coming into our lives for a reason, a season, or a life time. There’s so much more to this video, and I’m going to leave my thoughts of the video there.
I am going to go a bit off topic here as I close out this post…

I’m not sure where I’m going with my words. I often don’t have a plan and I just write whatever comes through and hope that my words make sense. 🙂 I trust that we find the messages, people, places, things etc. exactly when we are supposed to.

My hope, (as I will always have hope, although some will argue that it’s almost impossible to find these days) as the year is now coming to a close that we (humanity) step into our power. That we remember our badass, worthy selves, and embody this as we move through our days. No. more. playing. small. That we let others and ourselves come as we are apologetically; no more putting on a front, just be You. That we let love guide our choices, and let fear take a back seat. Or even better, kick it out of the car. That we love harder, ourselves and others. That we forgive those who have hurt us, and have compassion for each other’s paths. If you close a door, close it with love. If a door closes, trust that redirection is protection (not my words, and I cannot recall the wise person I heard that from in a recent video I watched). Trust that redirection is putting us in alignment with an even better outcome. That we make more time to appreciate each now moment in the smallest of ways – nothing and no other time line exists except for right now. That we no longer make time for or give our energy to the things we no longer want to see in the world. If you’re tired of the fighting, the me vs. you bullshit – stop fighting, stop engaging into the dynamics of what you no longer want to see as a reality for yourself, and the collective human experience. Seek to understand instead of being “right” and another “wrong.” Or simply don’t engage. And this is a big one for me, explaining myself. all. the time. I’ve come to realize that those who truly are connected with their authentic selves, and we’re like-minded, they understand me – my intentions, my values, my beliefs. No explanations are necessary. I need to remember this more often, as I can find myself worrying unnecessarily if I’m not mindful. My people – those in my inner circle – get me and our relationships are so easy! What a breath of fresh air.

Back tracking a bit on an earlier point, I recently read a newsletter from Matt Kahn. He made a very valid point about the importance of putting our energy and focus on what we are FOR, not what we are against. I want more realness, so I am showing up unapologetically even more to those in my life. I want less judgement and more compassion, so I am not judging others for their choices, and choose to understand the complexities of living in this reality that shape us into the people we become. I don’t get it right all of the time. Of course I don’t. But you get my point. Progress not perfection.

I’m getting a bit long winded here, but we really are part of such an important time for humanity and we get to decide which timeline we want to be part of – the same old one that has been playing out FOREVER, or a new one that is full of possibilities. And let’s be real – almost anything in a different direction feels better than our current state of affairs.

I am not trying to overspiritualize (is this a word?! It is now if it’s not) our very human experience. But my belief is that we are spirits on a human journey, not the other way around. I only speak from my own experience and for what works for me. Trust me, like all of us, I have found myself in the not-so-distant past in a very dark place – depressed, anxious, suffering from insomnia etc. I’m on the other side of it now and found Me again. And it’s not the first time I lost myself. So I know this shit is hard, really hard some times. I had every “tool in my tool belt” and if it wasn’t for what my father taught me and what I taught myself over the last 20 years in my own spiritual journey, I know in my soul that my journey would have been and would continue to be SO much harder. So this is why I have hope. I have such a deep knowing and understanding that there’s so much more that we are capable of because I’ve seen it, in myself and others. We are literally a piece of the Universe incarnated! Don’t forget your light, and never leave home without it. 😉

Sending you big love to you til next time,

p.s. We got this!
And thank you for sticking around to the end – this was a long one. 🙂


The Beauty of Presence

I am writing this without knowing what to title today’s post. I’m in a reflective mood today. I had a wonderfully soul nourishing day yesterday; good conversations with friends, hot yoga (my 1st experience), good food, bonfire, blazed, and set some letting go intentions under the light of the extra bright full moon.

I have been coming through to the other side of one of my darkness times, and have been reminded on more than one occasion of what life truly is about. The moments that have offered me the most peace are those in which I am surrounded by people I care about, whether deep in conversations about life, the cosmos, the future, etc., or holding space in silence, surrounded by nature. Being present in the Now moment is such a powerful tool, where angst of the past and worry of the future does not exist. Where connection starts.

How often do we truly tune into what’s here and now? Where our minds aren’t fragmented into various timelines of times already gone, or yet to (and may never) come. How often do we really give ourselves permission to just Be, right here, right now. Sometimes that Be-ing means being present with our pain. We must go through to get out. It’s also an opportunity to tune into who and what is around us, and treasure these moments of reconnection to self, others, and nature. Where we can just breathe. Deeply. Over and over again.

These moments of respite, and moments of our pain, are fleeting in the grand scheme of things. Our pleasures and pains leave marks on our hearts that stay with us for eternity. Each etch on our hearts are what make us, us. Each moment in the here and now is where life really is. Tomorrow has not come, yesterday is gone. Now is all we have. My suggestion to you, only through my own experience, is to go out of your way to be present and without distraction several times throughout your day, if even for a moment. We will see and feel things that we would not otherwise.

For example, a few weeks ago, while I was camping with friends, we took a late night walk to the lake. The skies were clear. The water looked like a mirror reflecting the trees of the neighboring island. The stars looked beautiful. I chose to sit in the sand, and had a moment of worrying about my clothes getting dirty from the wet sand (ego moment), but then took unspoken inspiration from my friends and laid back in the wet sand. Some conversation was had, but many silent moments of simply looking up and enjoying the beautiful sky, and sounds of nature. I wrapped my arms around my head to block out the shadows from the trees, and felt fully immersed in the stars. I will never forget that moment; a moment of utter peace washed over me, for the first time in a long time. I would have taken that from myself if I listened to my monkey brain, and didn’t allow myself to be fully in the moment. What a beautiful gift we can give to ourselves.

So my friends, after all this rambling, I wanted to take this moment of inspiration, and remind you that no matter where you are in your heart, practice being in the present moment – pay full attention to the people you’re with, notice what beauty is going on around you in nature, feel all the feelings, be comfortable in silence. It will help reconnect you to You – to the parts of you that make you feel alive again. That is what I feel to be true. There is so much of life we miss out on when we’re energetically and mentally everywhere but here and now.

It’s not easy to do this. The Universe knows this has not been easy for me. We are not promised easy. But I truly feel like it’s a gift we are worthy of giving ourselves. Especially now, with all this insanity going on, demanding our attention in every possible direction, except in the direction that matters the most; with a hand on my heart, this – right here, right now. Stay a while.